General

Isiah Thomas Has the NCAA Rules Under Control

Jul 9, 2009, 9:05 PM UTC

Florida International fans, if there are any, have suffered nothing butâ†µindignity since their school jumped into the deep end of college athleticsâ†µwith nothing more than some floaties. They’ve failed to ever notch aâ†µwinning season in football, brawled with Miami, and cut their band andâ†µcheerleaders*.â†µ
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â†µOh, and the basketball team sort of hired Isiah Thomas -- he’s working forâ†µfree -- to mold their program into a Knicks-like powerhouse. How’s that going?â†µWell, Thomas is learning the rules:â†µâ†µâ‡¥“It’s educational,” he said. “I’m learning a whole new set of rulesâ†µâ‡¥from the difference between state institutions and privateâ†µâ‡¥institutions, along with learning the rules within the NCAA.”â†µâ‡¥
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â†µâ‡¥The NCAA rule book has been considered daunting by many, but Thomasâ†µâ‡¥said, “it’s no more confusing than the salary cap.”â†µâ†µThis seems like it will work out well.â†µ
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â†µWait! What’s this? A newspaper from the future?â†µâ†µâ‡¥MIAMI (AP) - It’s over. Finally, it’s over. At 9 AM this morning, aâ†µâ‡¥limb-strewn field in what had been a populous Miami suburb eruptedâ†µâ‡¥in a ragged cheer as cleanup crews looked up from their morbidâ†µâ‡¥duties to witness the plume of jet fuel that took what had beenâ†µâ‡¥Florida’s fourth-largest university into the sun.â†µâ‡¥
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â†µâ‡¥Thousands of victims’ families breathed a sigh of relief as Floridaâ†µâ‡¥International University was shot into space today after the NCAAâ†µâ‡¥rejected the Panthers’ last appeal in the infractions case thatâ†µâ‡¥rocked a nation.â†µâ‡¥
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â†µâ‡¥“Never again,” said NCAA president Myles Brand. “We will neverâ†µâ‡¥forget.”â†µâ‡¥
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â†µâ‡¥Former FIU basketball head coach and President-elect Isiah Thomasâ†µâ‡¥had no comment, but did mention he was picking up the nuances ofâ†µâ‡¥global geopolitics quickly. “It’s no more confusing than the NCAAâ†µâ‡¥rule book,” he said.â†µâ†µ

What’s this? Another newspaper from the future?â†µâ†µâ‡¥WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - APOCALYPSEâ†µâ†µHa ha not really -- there won’t be newspapers in the future! But I do haveâ†µa time machine and saw that online somewhere. No, seriously: I have aâ†µtime machine.â†µ
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â†µ*(The cheerleaders were saved after a bikini car wash. AMERICA! FIU bandos: do not try this at home, or in public.)â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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