General

Shanoff’s W.U.C.: Ochocinco Kicks the Talk

Aug 21, 2009, 12:20 PM UTC

Today’s Calls: Chad Ochocinco vs. Special Teams, Usain Bolt vs. Brett Favre, Johan Santana vs. Nelson Cruz, Matt Stafford vs. Matt Cassel, Memphis vs. NCAA, Plaxico vs. Prison, Big 12 South vs. SEC West, Shaq vs. Steve Nash and More.â†µ

â†µThe Opening Pitch: If there is an antidote to Mike Vick and Brett Favre, it is Chad Ochocinco.â†µ

â†µâ†µ— Most trenchant analysis about Brett Favre’s comeback.â†µ(And he is willing to get into petty tiffs with fans on Twitter.)â†µ

â†µâ†µ— Star of HBO’s “Hard Knocks” on Cincy.â†µ

â†µâ†µ— Bringing back his “checklist” of DBs to burn.â†µ

â†µâ†µ— Wants to be a pro boxer.â†µ

â†µâ†µ— His catch-phrase — “Child, please!” — is catching on.â†µ

â†µâ†µBut that’s all talk. What is most awesome about Ochocinco is that he walks that talk.â†µ

â†µâ†µOr, more accurately, kicks the talk.â†µ

â†µâ†µLast night, he backed up all his woofing with some hoofing: A picture-perfect extra-point, followed up by a terrific kickoff boot.â†µ

â†µâ†µIt is precisely that kind of unanticipated weirdness that can keep NFL fans sane during the otherwise meaningless season. (But not so meaningless that Bengals fans couldn’t take at least a smidgen of satisfaction from beating the Patriots. 85 even gave himself the soccer-appropriate, Eurofied nickname “Esteban.”)â†µ

â†µâ†µAnd that is why Ochocinco is, if nothing else, the NFL’s most valuable character. So let’s do the appropriate thing and give Ochocinco the last word, from late last night:â†µ

â†µâ†µ“Goodnight world, Esteban rests his head on a chin chilla pillow case, did I spell that right? I’m lying anyway, I got that Target special!”â†µ

â†µ

â†µUsain Bolt: 19.19. Goodness! OK, I take it back — the real antidote for Vick and Favre is watching Bolt. Has a mere 20 seconds — sorry: 19-freaking-19 — ever been more cathartic for beleaguered fans?â†µ

â†µâ†µPlaxico Going To Jail For 2 Years: To give you a sense of how screwed he was, that sentence represented the best-case scenario, per Mike Florio.â†µ

â†µâ†µMLB Talking Pointsâ†µ

â†µâ†µ— Weekend’s Wildest: Giants-Rox, Rangers-Raysâ†µ

â†µâ†µ— NL Wild Card: Rox (via Nats) edge 2 up on SFâ†µ

â†µâ†µ— Like he never left: Nelson Cruz returns, hits HRâ†µ

â†µâ†µ— Wow, is Johan really 13-9? Hard luck, indeed.â†µ

â†µâ†µ— Rookie Watch: Matt LaPorta should of been called up soonerâ†µ

â†µâ†µ— Fantasy Stud: Drew Stubbs (Walk-off HR, 1st of career)â†µ

â†µâ†µNFL Preseason: With Vick in the lineup, do the Eagles score more than 15 on the Colts? ... Player to Watch this weekend: No, not Brett Favre -- Percy Harvin (and this week, I really mean it!) ... How many snaps will Big Ben (ankle) get against Washington? ... Will Matt Stafford start against the Browns? Like training wheels. ... â†µ

â†µâ†µCBB: Memphis Vacates ‘08. You can rip Memphis. You can certainly rip John Calipari, who has now had TWO Final Four appearances vacated by the NCAA. But you are arguing ignorantly if you don’t first digest Mike DeCourcy’s take on the whole situation, which squarely rips ... the NCAA.â†µ

â†µâ†µCFB: SN’s Big 12 Preview. This is a must-read, especially the “Big 12’s Best” feature.â†µ

â†µâ†µCFB Countdown: No. 15 Georgia. No Stafford? No Knowshon? No problem, apparently. All Georgia had to do was get out of that “Top 5 expectations” thing and resume their rightful place as runner-up in the SEC East.â†µ

â†µâ†µHere’s A Fun Gimmick: If you made any predictions earlier in the summer about the upcoming college football season, are there any you want to take back now, after a couple of weeks of practice? Matt Hayes would like to walk back the Ole Miss bandwagon (not because Ole Miss isn’t a great team, but because Bama and LSU look so good — the SEC West is brutal this year).â†µ

â†µâ†µNBA Offseason: Between MLB’s last-second signings and the NFL’s late-August holdouts, the NBA’s rookie-salary system seems pretty awesome by comparison. No crazy deals that blow the curve; no holdouts. All it takes is the will of the unions to make it happen (and the would-be rookies have no power to impact that).â†µ

â†µâ†µPop Culture: Did Shaq steal Steve Nash’s idea for “Shaq Vs.”? Nash’s “Executive Producer” credit was the tip-off.â†µ

â†µâ†µArrests: Is Aqib Talib the new Patrick Kane?â†µ

â†µâ†µThe Last Word: “I think I’ll hold off on answering that right now.” â†µ
â†µ— Chiefs coach Todd Haley on whether Matt Cassel has out-played Brodie Croyle in the Chiefs’ camp. If Cassel can’t beat out Croyle on a rebuilding KC team with low expectations, would that be the biggest QB contract bust of the year — or the decade?â†µ

â†µâ†µDan Shanoff writes The Wake-Up Call every weekday morning for SportingNews.com and blogs daily at DanShanoff.com. Got any comments, questions or feedback? Email Dan at shanofftsn-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/danshanoff. â†µ

â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

See More: