Elderly Packers Fan Lobbies On Behalf of the Wee Ones

For some reason, people want to take infants to NFL games, in spite of the rampant profanity, boozing and general atmosphere of hostility. And these same people apparently would rather not spend money on tickets for their precious snowflakes, because the little anklebiters end up sitting on their parents’ laps anyway.↵
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↵↵One 83-year-old Packers fan has gone so far as to register a complaint with the team, arguing that with Lambeau Field’s bleacher seating, overweight fans (in Packer country?) can take up what amounts to two seats with one ticket, while a baby would occupy no space that another patron might use. ↵

↵↵It’s an argument based in reason, but one that was soundly rebuffed by a team official.↵

↵↵⇥Mark Wagner, the director of the Packers ticket operations, responded by saying that admitting babies for free would likely push the stadium beyond its capacity of 73,128 and create potential safety problems. Wagner checked with 21 other teams in the league and found that 15 of them admit small children for free.↵↵↵The security risk claim is a bit dubious, but I would argue in favor of any policy that keeps more babies out of NFL stadiums. As I mentioned above, it’s hardly the setting for a kid, even one who can move around on their own, and aren’t the restrooms enough of a mess without people tending to kids?↵

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↵↵The Packers have no plans to start double-charging overweight customers, as some airlines have. Fans come in all sizes, and in theory, they each get 19 inches of bench space in the stands, Wagner said.↵

↵↵That’s right, youngins. The lesson here is grow up big and fat like your old man and you’ll more than make up for the fleecing you’re getting now by hogging up bleacher space when you’re an adult. And the cycle continues.↵

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