General

Do Not Doubt The Power Of The Mustache, College Football

Sep 18, 2009, 9:00 PM UTC

Landry Jones’s Kipâ†µDynamite ‘stache is becoming something of a cause célèbre in twoâ†µplaces: Oklahoma and the internet, where mustaches are always popular.â†µThere’s this ... thing, which may be the most bizarre item in the historyâ†µof newspapers slapping together video content:
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â†µâ†µAll you need is the first fifteen seconds. And then there’s, um, everyoneâ†µguard Brian Simmons knows: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥“After the first game, people were calling and texting me fromâ†µâ‡¥back home in North Carolina saying, ‘What’s up with your QB’s mustache?’â†µâ‡¥” said guard Brian Simmons. “People in my class, tutors in studyâ†µâ‡¥hall, everyone has been asking me about it.”â†µâ†µâ†µThere is a no-foolies “American Mustache Institute” thatâ†µclaims to be 44 years old, which has to be crap. I’ve seen Madâ†µMen, and there’s no way that a self-parodic irony organization gotâ†µits start in 1965. In any case, they’re extremely enthused and helpfulâ†µabout the whole thing, succesfully IDing the particular style as aâ†µ“chevron” mustache and offering up preposterous quotes:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥“He is a shining beacon of freedom for all the young people outâ†µâ‡¥there who wear mustaches.”â†µâ†µâ†µAll joking aside -- I’m super serious -- Oklahoma would do well to embraceâ†µthe ‘stache. â†µ

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â†µThis summer an intrepid band of Michigan fans started aâ†µnationwide movement for Michigan fans to sportâ†µthem at the Western Michigan game, which ended in tremendousâ†µvictory. The next week a guy with a beardâ†µand no mustache met the 'staches and lost. Meanwhile, Ohio Stateâ†µblogs are noting their program's recent (slight) downward trajectory andâ†µpointingâ†µout one obvious cause: â†µ

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â†µâ‡¥What's missing [from the Landry article]? Any reference to a Buckeyeâ†µâ‡¥or The Ohio State University, long established as the sentinel forâ†µâ‡¥glorious college football mustaches. How can discussion of collegeâ†µâ‡¥football mustaches not center around the school responsible for the Buckstache?â†µâ‡¥Well, it turns out that the current football program has no qualityâ†µâ‡¥candidates here, and that reflects directly on Tressel. Doesâ†µâ‡¥Tressel pay no heed to the legacies of Brianâ†µâ‡¥Baschnagel, Chrisâ†µâ‡¥Spielman, Marlonâ†µâ‡¥Kerner (and countless others)? I had hopes for Donnie Evege,â†µâ‡¥but it appears that Tresselâ†µâ‡¥has discouraged him (see: hereâ†µâ‡¥also) from cultivating what was previouslyâ†µâ‡¥a burgeoning mustache.â†µ

â†µâ†µOur Honor Defend says this is a real cause to fire Tressel.â†µSeriously. They are super-serious. We have two vectors here, oneâ†µpointing up with the power of the mustache and one pointing down withoutâ†µit. It’s clear that Oklahoma’s real problem against BYU was not enoughâ†µglorious Landry ‘stache.â†µ

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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