General

This Week In Schadenfreude: Sept. 21

Sep 21, 2009, 5:33 PM UTC

â†µ
â†µIt’s time for USC’s annual trip to TWISland after losing to aâ†µsupposedly inferior Pac-10 team as three-score favorite. Welcome back, Trojans. We have your room all made up for you. It’sâ†µremarkable given USC’s status as the undisputed team of the decade thatâ†µUSC fans can deploy â†µthisâ†µsort of thing and get mostly nods:â†µâ†µâ‡¥i just can’t get upset over it because I saw this coming. I wasâ†µâ‡¥primed for it.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I mean its not like we haven’t been through it before so we willâ†µâ‡¥regroup and get back at itâ†µâ†µâ†µThat’s a blog. Descend to the message boards, though, and um:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥The old Pete Carroll is back...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Posted By: LaughingInEncinoâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Date: 9/20/2009 6:12:16 PMâ†µâ‡¥Not the guy that put together the best coaching staff in collegeâ†µâ‡¥football.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥It’s the guy that was run out of town on a rail at New England.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥He took a team that had gone to the Super Bowl and did nothingâ†µâ‡¥with them and drove all the fans crazy.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Now, he has the most talent of any team in the country, and heâ†µâ‡¥keeps dropping games to UCLA, Oregon State, Stanford, and nowâ†µâ‡¥Washington.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I can see this team losing 4 games this year.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥The old Pete is back.â†µâ†µâ†µThe rest of college football feverishly hopes this is the case, Mr.â†µEncino, but it probably isn’t. A reply:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥This is the Pete Carroll offenseâ†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥Posted By: SCSmashmouthâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Date: 9/20/2009 7:02:14 PMâ†µâ‡¥

â†µâ‡¥Yes Petey it is all on you. Every year we see this same conservativeâ†µâ‡¥approach to these Pac 10 games making them needlessly close or losingâ†µâ‡¥them outright. He continues to meddle with the offense producing crappyâ†µâ‡¥results. You would think he would learn by now that he isn’t helping butâ†µâ‡¥he does it over and over and over. You know what they call doing theâ†µâ‡¥same thing over and over and yet expecting different results...insanity.â†µâ‡¥No I’m not saying Pete is insane but he is one of theâ†µâ‡¥most stubbornly arrogant people I have ever seen. Maybe Clemente isâ†µâ‡¥right about him being as dumb as a door knob.â†µâ†µâ†µIf USC fans are forced to declare that they’re not suggestingâ†µtheir coach is literally insane, what hope does Lane Kiffin orâ†µthe OBC have? Still, neither of these guys have anything on what appearsâ†µto be Wild West Sports boardâ†µnut “San Clemente,” who is your Scott Tenorman ofâ†µthe Week:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥The realists kept demanding Pete get some adultsâ†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥Posted By: San Clementeâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Date: 9/20/2009 5:40:28 PMâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥...on his coaching staff.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥The error was that we believed Pete would, like in the past, letâ†µâ‡¥the grownups do their job. All he did was just went out and got moreâ†µâ‡¥yes-men.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥He got a yes-man to run his offense HIS WAY. He got a specialâ†µâ‡¥teams yes-man that did special teams Pete’s way. ETC. â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥We demanded change because Pete’s system wasn’t working. If you lookâ†µâ‡¥back on it he never really said he was going to change anything. We justâ†µâ‡¥assumed it. That was our mistake. We believed the offense might be inâ†µâ‡¥better hands. Turns out it’s in the same hands with the same chokeâ†µâ‡¥collar. â†µâ‡¥

â†µâ‡¥As long as Pete Checkers con artist control freak Carroll is headâ†µâ‡¥coach. It’s Pete’s way or the highway. Lets just hope Pete gets playersâ†µâ‡¥that fit his cemented system and that USC gets lucky with turnovers.â†µâ‡¥Maybe there is another Reggie Bush out there to pull our fat out of theâ†µâ‡¥fire again. Hope and luck is really our only chance until Pete leaves.â†µâ‡¥scâ†µâ†µâ†µPete Carroll’s winning percentage (85.7%) is the best activeâ†µmark in I-A; USC is your Tears of Unfathomable Sadnessâ†µAward recipient for Week 3.â†µ

â†µ

â†µACC

â†µâ†µBoston College fans probably weren’t expecting muchâ†µgiven the Michigan-2008-esque selection of walk-ons and freshmenâ†µcompeting to “win” the quarterback job this year, but theyâ†µprobably expected more than 49 yards of total offense and completeâ†µannihilation at the hands of Clemson. Unfortunately for this column, BCâ†µblogs tend towards the cerebral instead of entertainingly in need ofâ†µanger management courses. The horror show they witnessed Saturday,â†µhowever, got dandersâ†µat least slightly up.â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥I am very concerned and upset about the offense.â†µâ†µâ†µVery slightly. This is probably the first time in theâ†µhistory of TWIS I’ve ever said this: dude, why aren’t you angrier? Iâ†µmean, I’m running through game threads -- always the bastion of pure id -- andâ†µall I can think to myself is “that is a reasonableâ†µresponse to the things you are watching”:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
At 2:08â†µâ‡¥PM, Bravesbillâ†µâ‡¥said...

â†µâ‡¥

This has to be a big joke. The offenseâ†µâ‡¥can't be this bad can it? They wouldn't even be able to put points upâ†µâ‡¥against Temple the way they are playing now.â†µâ‡¥
â†µ

â†µâ†µYep, pretty much. â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
At 2:24â†µâ‡¥PM, Lindsayâ†µâ‡¥said...

â†µâ‡¥

I think this rain delay is God takingâ†µâ‡¥pity on a Jesuit school, lol. (Some time to re-group and at least figureâ†µâ‡¥out how to get ONE first down.) This is beyond pathetic. We know we haveâ†µâ‡¥serious problems when the only offensive plays of note we've seen allâ†µâ‡¥day were Matty Ice clips from PAST games during the pre-game show.â†µâ‡¥
â†µ

â†µâ†µThis person blew all their sympathy by referring to Matt Ryan asâ†µ“Mattyâ†µIce” and self-loling, but “beyond pathetic” seems anâ†µapt description of 49 yards of offense. â†µ

â†µâ†µMeanwhile, Maryland just lost to Middle Tennesseeâ†µState for the second consecutive year, causing Shell Games to makeâ†µthe obvious point:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Middle Tennessee Freaking State Freaking Owns Freakingâ†µâ‡¥Maryland
â†µ

â†µâ†µESPN, feel Terrapin wrath: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥So I should probably mention that I didn’t actually watch the game,â†µâ‡¥mainly because it will be a cold wet day in Hades before I cough up anyâ†µâ‡¥money to the Evil Sports Programming Network for ESPN360.com. They couldâ†µâ‡¥put the Super Bowl on there and I still wouldn’t pony up. F--- them.â†µâ‡¥That’s right. F--- you, ESPN. F--- ESPN360.com. And f--- this f----- upâ†µâ‡¥ACC TV deal. You want my wallet, you pry it out of my dead hand.
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Whoa. Okay. Breathe. I’m a little angry.â†µâ†µâ†µYes. You are channeling Steveâ†µMartin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles (NSFW!). You are a littleâ†µangry.â†µ

â†µBIG EAST

â†µâ†µI love West Virginia losses strictly for professionalâ†µreasons:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
WVU COST ME $4000 TONIGHT :(
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I NEEDED THEM FOR $4050 +7.5â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥THAT LAST INT FOR A TD HAD ME IN TEARSâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT EITHERâ†µ

â†µâ†µAnd then there’s thisâ†µguy and his 4k posts on the WVU scout board:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
RUN RUN DOWN THE FIELD AND WHAT DUE WEâ†µâ‡¥DUE???
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Throw the ball!!! You got to be kidding me!!! What horriable playâ†µâ‡¥calling!!!â†µ

â†µâ†µThe banghead smiley got a workout over the weekend in West Virginia,â†µand not because it was being used by West Virginia defenders. OHâ†µSNAP.â†µ

â†µBIG TEN

â†µâ†µKirk Cousins missed an open receiver by 20 yards and then had aâ†µpsychotic break on the next play, leaving Michiganâ†µState fans coping with their second-consecutive stomach-punchâ†µloss. Some of them are used to it. Some of them are not, and doâ†µinexplicable things during games:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥NEVER f'n caulk your shower during aâ†µâ‡¥State game. â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I did such a s----- job. I'm frustratedâ†µâ‡¥all the way around. I got caulk every where and now I have to do itâ†µâ‡¥again tonight.â†µâ‡¥
â†µ

â†µâ†µOthers are not but doâ†µobvious things:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Sign In Here If You Got In A fight Withâ†µâ‡¥The Signifigant Other Immediatly After The ND Game â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥So I droped multiple loud F bombs as soonâ†µâ‡¥as Cousins tossed that INT with the window open. The wife didn't takeâ†µâ‡¥kindly to what I did because I wasn't think of the kids running aroundâ†µâ‡¥the neighborhood. And instead of going out to dinner I got Taco Bell andâ†µâ‡¥now am online here while the wife is watching "Nights Inâ†µâ‡¥Rodanthe". This is officially one of the worst days of the year forâ†µâ‡¥me. â†µâ‡¥
â†µ

â†µâ†µThis starts anâ†µepic thread. Epic. Epic:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥...with the game on the line and a little over one minute left in theâ†µâ‡¥game, my family unraveled. First, our newborn was crying because she wasâ†µâ‡¥overtired. Then, our oldest daughter was outside on our deck barefoot,â†µâ‡¥and came in screaming with a two-inch long splinter through the bottomâ†µâ‡¥of her toe. Our two year-old couldn’t handle all the hysteria, so sheâ†µâ‡¥began crying too. This was the first time all three girls have cried atâ†µâ‡¥the same time. I was on edge, but knew I had to do something other thanâ†µâ‡¥leave my wife with three bawling children. So, I picked up the baby andâ†µâ‡¥stayed directly in front of the tv in order to drown out the otherâ†µâ‡¥crying. Once Cousins got picked, the only thing I could reallyâ†µâ‡¥do with the baby in my arms (no swearing, no exaggerated death sprawl)â†µâ‡¥was to grab her pacifier (it was not in her mouth) and throw it acrossâ†µâ‡¥the house. I did it with authority, though - it took a few oddâ†µâ‡¥bounces around the room, and oddly landed back at my feet.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Later on, after my wife asked if tRCMB was having a meltdown, sheâ†µâ‡¥said she was concerned my expectations were too high coming into theâ†µâ‡¥season. Sigh.â†µâ†µâ†µThere’s three or four more incidents that, though less likely to endâ†µwith a spiked baby, are almost as awesome to contemplate. If you doâ†µnothing else this day, read it. â†µ

â†µBIG 12

â†µâ†µNebraska didâ†µnot think of the soldiers:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
thatâ†µâ‡¥hurt more than a lot!
â†µâ‡¥I'm currently deployed to the middle east and its 0215 in theâ†µâ‡¥morning, i gott be in formation in 3 1/2 hours and stayed up to listenâ†µâ‡¥to this game online, heartbreaking, unhappy with our overallâ†µâ‡¥performance, our D played pretty solid but the STUPID penelties killedâ†µâ‡¥us and the way our offense stalled out on drives hurt us, we should ofâ†µâ‡¥blown out VT they are overrated!!!â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥by soldierguy38 onâ†µâ‡¥Sepâ†µâ‡¥19, 2009 4:18 PM PDTâ†µ

â†µâ†µWhy do you hate America, Cornhuskers? Why do you hateâ†µAmerica? Bonus ‘freude can be had from the head coach himself:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥The first guy asked something like “walk us through what happened inâ†µâ‡¥that last play”. Pelini fired back “you saw exactly what happened. I’mâ†µâ‡¥not going to belabor the point. You saw what happened.” or somethingâ†µâ‡¥like that.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥by davereid onâ†µâ‡¥Sepâ†µâ‡¥19, 2009 4:27 PM PDTâ†µâ†µâ†µAnd, yes, there’s a Downfallâ†µparody. I give it a B-.â†µ

â†µPAC-10

â†µâ†µWe already covered USC in detail, and the only other Pac-10â†µteams to lose were Arizona, which no one cares about, and Oregon State,â†µwhich put in a respectable performance against an evidently goodâ†µCincinnati team. As far as Arizona goes, I guessâ†µthere’s this punctuation festival atâ†µRaur Raur: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Very rough weekend. Looking as bad as we did against Iowa andâ†µâ‡¥then hearing the official word that Gronk is out for the year (2010â†µâ‡¥Heisman!!!!) really hurts. ... Meaning Grigs must get more than 11â†µâ‡¥carries (3-4 in the 2nd half!?!?!?!??!?!) and Keola needs much more thanâ†µâ‡¥1 ... seriously one bleepin’ carry!!??!â†µâ†µâ†µBut, um, part of the text removed by that ellipses was this... um...â†µstatement:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Our national championship hopes might have been hurt a little, butâ†µâ‡¥Arizona’s first Rose Bowl victory/appearance might be even sweeter.â†µâ†µâ†µIronic? I think so, but the “?!?!?!?!?!” sequence gives me pause.â†µ

â†µSEC

â†µâ†µIt was a week of cupcakes and solid nonconference opponents for theâ†µSEC, with the only losers playing conference games, and those teamsâ†µlargely encouraged by decent road performances or Vanderbilt, who can’tâ†µbe bothered to care. Arkansas’s craptacular defense isâ†µgood for a full-on Internetâ†µCivil War, though: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥I was DEAD RIGHT in my summation of the Missouri State game two weeksâ†µâ‡¥ago when I stated that I saw things that concerned me. ...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥EVERYONE who came after me in that thread was about the most wrongâ†µâ‡¥that they have ever been in their lives. Now, I don’t exepct an apologyâ†µâ‡¥from all of you fricking morons, because that would be selfish. Butâ†µâ‡¥PERSONAL fricking APOLOGIES are owed to me by:â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥BakervsCarr first of all because I called his a-- aâ†µâ‡¥long time ago on the Rebsamen road thing, and second because hisâ†µâ‡¥fricking statistics that he spewed out at me about the Missouri Stateâ†µâ‡¥game this year vs our first game last year, in his sorry a-- attempt toâ†µâ‡¥prove I had nothing to be concerned about, had NOOTHHINNNGGG to doâ†µâ‡¥with what we would encounter in SEC play. All of you who said he beat meâ†µâ‡¥down with his moronic post can go DIAF.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥ElvisHog for saying I complain about everything.â†µâ‡¥I made a fricking opinionated post and was proven right, and he hadâ†µâ‡¥NNOOO fricking reason to come after me.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥LashHog and hogsrunwild forâ†µâ‡¥generally being morons about every subject they’ve ever posted about onâ†µâ‡¥this board.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Finally, to all of you who doubted me, GO frick YOURSELVES. â†µâ†µâ†µAh, Woopig.net: you are the most accurately-named message board onâ†µthe entire internets.â†µ

â†µBONUS!

â†µâ†µRemember when Ball State was going to play Boiseâ†µState in a battle of undefeateds? And then they lost and everyone forgotâ†µabout it? Yeah, they keep losing. Lots. Over the Pylon has a commemorativeâ†µStan Parrish birthday haiku:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥poop feces dung s---â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥cow-patty diarrheaâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥brown-snake crap turd logâ†µâ†µâ†µThat’s about right for a team that just lost to North Texas, Newâ†µHampshire, and Army. Enjoy this weekend’s Auburn game. â†µ

â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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