For the Fantasy Football Owner Who Also Has No Friends

That headline’s probably too mean, because this is a great idea: ESPN is starting a fantasy football “help line” that will set your lineup for you if you are unable to do so yourself. This hypothetical happens more frequently than the non-fantasy footballer might imagine, especially with travel. (Though I’d imagine the proliferation of Internet-capable smartphones has alleviated that particular problem somewhat.) In any case, good idea, ESPN. If I’m ever unable to get ahold of any of my friends, and my mom and brother aren't picking up, and my girlfriend (note: I don't have a girlfriend) isn't talking to me, I’ll call you. Like I said, you'd be surprised how frequently this happens.