Welcome back to America’s favorite running sports feature, “Strained NBA analogies!” In today’s edition, we take a look at none other than Don Draper, centerpiece of the hit show Mad Men, and folk hero to the morally ambiguous masses. If he were an NBA player, who would he be?
The NBA’s Don Draper...
Now, just to preface this discussion, bestowing a Draper analogy on anyone is high, high praise. I mean, except for Snoop, Marlo, Avon, Omar, Slim Charles, Cutty, and well, everyone on The Wire, Don Draper is quite possibly the coolest character ever portrayed on television. His ability to remain blissfully detached from the chaos in his midst--while at the same time retain complete control over everyone--elevates him to a sort of mythic status. Even when he runs roughshod over the people closest to him, he seems to come through it with a reputation unscathed, and indeed, maybe even burnished by the triumph. Don Draper can do no wrong.
So it is with great reluctance that I saddle anyone with such a lofty comparison, but still, I watched Mad Men last night and I'd rather not pretend that Nate Robinson's signing is "news," so I gotta write something. And looking across the NBA landscape, there's really only one comparison: Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat superstar, Sean John model, and he of the ice cold profile photo on NBA.com.
First of all, both Wade and Draper share humble beginnings. True, Wade never joined the army and stole a dead guy’s name, and Draper never dropped a triple double on Kentucky in March, but neither man was pegged for soaring success, either. Instead, by sheer will and on the strength of various intangibles, Wade has made his ascent to the pinnacle of the NBA ranks in much the same way Don’s conquered Sterling and Cooper. Both men are very, very good at what they do, a fact that renders any questions about their pedigree moot.
As for those intangibles, you have to consider that both have been underdogs at various points in their life, but neither adopted the "underdog mentality" in surpassing expectations. Gilbert Arenas, for instance, adopted the chip-on-his-shoulder approach to overcoming his professional obstacles. But both Wade and Draper have consistently ignored any doubts as to their acumen, almost as if skepticism didn't exist. (One caveat: Draper tried this route when his wife accused him of infidelity, and it didn't work as well).
They thrive because neither one ever, ever loses his cool. In the playoffs, even as a rookie, Dwyane Wade was hitting game winners, battling it out with Baron Davis, and generally carrying himself like one of the league's biggest stars--which he wasn't, at that point. And even placed alongside superiors like Burt Cooper and Lebron James (isn't this fun?), Wade and Draper consistently manage to come out looking equally formidable, if not moreso. This is part of their mystique.
Someone of Wade’s height, athleticism, and skillset shouldn’t be one the three best players in the league; the creative director at Sterling Cooper shouldn’t be the most powerful person in his firm. But thanks to endless tenacity and guile (with Wade, this would be his ability to get to the rim), both have been dominant over the years. And thanks to good looks and charm, the whole world waits at their fingertips.
Finally, there’s that last piece. Each man has the world at his fingertips. This despite considerable evidence that beneath the veneer of endless class and charm, there are some more sordid aspects to their lives. Draper’s dark side is well known to anyone who’s ever seen Mad Men, but Wade may have some dark secrets, as well. He divorced his college sweatheart and things got UGLY. To wit:
Dwyane, named a ''Father of the Year'' in 2007 by the National Father's Day Committee, has gone ''months'' without seeing his boys, Siohvaughn says. His ''failure to spend time with them . . . has resulted in the children at times being afraid of him; in fact, Zion . . . does not recognize or know Dwyane.'' She wants sole custody, and support.
And from an ex-business partner, comes these allegations about a condo he’d rented for Wade:
"It was a four-bedroom place on the first floor of a high-rise," said Von Houtman, who through 2007 met with Wade and/or Andrews almost daily. "One day, I got a call from my cleaning crew at the apartment. I went down there and what I saw was disgusting. The apartment was trashed, filthy, and it wasn’t the first time."
Von Houtman described used condoms on the floor of the bedrooms, obvious signs of sexual activities on all the beds, empty champagne and hard-liquor bottles, nearly-finished blunts and half-eaten food rotting on tables and furniture.
"They’d have these parties in there two or three times a week," Von Houtman said. "There were always dozens of people in there. Rappers, Dwyane and his entourage, women they’d pick up in clubs."
And this doozy: “They ... made it clear to me how their goal in life is to have sex with as many women as possible,” Von Houtman said. Now THAT sounds like Don Draper, no?
Of course, taking the word of jilted lovers and failed business partners seems a bit unfair, and I’d venture to guess that about half of the allegations above are completely false. Still, there’s more to Wade than the squeaky clean image he puts forth for public consumption. All things considered, he’s a public figure that exerts considerable positive influence on the community, the NBA, and the Miami Heat. But are there parts of his life that are incongruous to his sparkling, NBA Cares persona? Almost certainly.
And yet, nobody cares. Dwyane Wade can do no wrong.
On the surface, he’s a model NBA citizen, and that image, paired with his unfailing performance on the court, makes him a winner in the media and among fans. Is it an accurate portrait? Maybe not, but it’s much easier for all of us to love Dwyane Wade, just as it was easier for Burt Cooper to brush aside Pete Campbell’s allegations about Don Draper’s past. Both men are great, heartwarming success stories, and just about perfect the way we perceive them now; why ruin that by magnifying their flaws?
See More:
