NATE KAEDING and ANTONIO GATES sit on a plane bound for Miami.
A One-Act Play, Featuring Nate Kaeding And Antonio Gates
↵KAEDING. Gee whiz! This plane sure is neat! Lookit, you can see Texas from the window. I bet that’s Texas. Lookit! Hey, lookit!
↵GATES. (silence)
↵KAEDING. Heh! Sure am lookin’ forward to the Pro Bowl. Oughtta be a real hootenanny! Hey, do you think Mark Sanchez is gonna be there? I hope so. I have a joke for him. I’m gonna call him “Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.” Like the music band!
↵GATES. (pretends to read SkyMall magazine)
↵KAEDING. (fumbles with half-full plastic tumbler full of Welch’s grape juice) I guess he prob’ly won’t be there.
↵GATES. (hands shaking, half-consciously kneading corners of SkyMall magazine)
↵KAEDING. You got any bubble gum? I forgot to bring bubble gum. They probably have bubble gum in Miami. I wonder if I’ll see any alligators. I heard that the best way to run away from alligators is to run in a zig-zag, because they can’t switch directions very well.
↵GATES. (eyelid twitches involuntarily)
↵KAEDING. (idly begins kicking seat in front of him) Do you think we could have beaten the Colts? Prob’ly not, I guess. (leans across seat to read SkyMall) Wow! Is that a novelty pepper grinder AND a baseball bat? Holy moley! Just when I thought I’d seen everything!
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