Alabama Defeats Texas 37-21 For 13th National Title, First Since 1992

Oh, Texas came so, so close to making this a game. Garrett Gilbert overcame his annoyingly alliterative name to pull within three, bring Texas back into the game, and then…and then fumble the ball and give Bama a layup TD followed up by a subsequent interception and a second easy TD. That’s how you turn a 24-21 game into a 38-21 game in the final three minutes of a game, and it’s something Alabama is very, very good at.

A final interception, and Alabama fans got to yell “We just beat the hell out of you” at Texas fans who watched their team take Alabama to the wire despite losing their starting qb. In case you missed him, he’s the guy who just got off television with the broken expression, numb arm, and the composure to somehow congratulate Alabama despite suffering an unusually cruel stroke of fate in the biggest game of his life.

It’s been a tough night for Texas freshman QB Garrett Gilbert. But it’s getting better with every drive. On his most recent, Garrett orchestrated a 9-play, 65-yard drive that culminated in 28-yard TD pass to, who else, Jordan Shipley. Gilbert took a monster hit and demonstrated some serious poise with the throw.

The Longhorns went for two and Garrett threw a strike to Buckner to make it a 24-21 game.

via media.al.com

This strapping fellow was caught streaking across the field at the Rose Bowl early in the third quarter. Contrary to our earlier published reports, Nicolas Cage wearing a mask of live bees was nowhere near the scene. We regret the error.

Just before the second half kicked off, Lisa Salters reported what we all already assumed: Colt McCoy will not return to tonight’s game. It’s all yours, Garrett.

It looked like a brief scare for Texas--Colt McCoy would shake it off for a play, and then get back in there. Now, McCoy’s got his pads off and is heading to X-ray room in Pasadena, with the Longhorns’ pinning their title hopes to the right arm of Garrett Gilbert, a true freshman. So just who is this kid?

Well, as can be said for most of the backups at both of these schools, Gilbert was one of the nation’s most prestigious recruits coming out of high school. He went to Lake Travis High School in Texas and he’s the son of former-NFL QB, Gail Gilbert. Last season he passed for nearly 5,000 yards and 55 touchdowns on the way to a state title. He was a member of ESPN’s Elite 11 Quarterback group, a participant in the star-studded Under Armour All-American game, and, well... You get the point. Generally just an all-around high school badass. He’s got the pedigree.

Unfortunately for Texas, we’ve also seen Colt McCoy trudging off to the locker room with what’s being called a shoulder injury. Freshman Garrett Gilbert replaced him in the pocket for the tail end of a field goal drive … and is about to replace him again, because Texas just recovered their own kickoff. Game on, y’all.

What’s the apocalyptic scenario for Texas? This: Colt McCoy took a helmet to the back of his shoulder and not only had to leave the game, but was just seen heading toward the locker room with the team’s trainers. Uh, yeah, that’s worst case scenario for the Longhorns, with a side of WHY GOD WHY.

Why so bad? His replacement is Garrett Gilbert -- a true freshman. Meet Alabama’s defense, young Garrett. And good luck.

via farm5.static.flickr.com

I was all set to tell you about the dueling outrageous tie battle between Tom Rinaldi and Desmond Howard. (Pea green versus purple.) I was about to tell you about Mark May’s sudden blindness, the only possible explanation for him wearing dark glasses at night on national television. I was about to even remark on Lee Corso’s outstanding choking gesture and Pete Carroll’s appearance on the broadcast, because one was funny, and the other was the most beautiful, inspiring thing ever. (Like everything Pete Caroll does, of course.)

Alabama’s All-World linebacker Rolando McClain, who had been bothered all week with a stomach virus, has apparently stepped up his chicken noodle soup and antacid game, because he is expected to play in tonight’s BCS Championship game.

The BCS Championship Game features Alabama and Texas in a matchup of two teams with good offenses, fantastic defenses, and fans psychotic enough to threaten weathermen over the possibility of snow and whatever the weatherman had to do with it. This is, evidently, business serious enough for murder.

So if the power does go out tonight in Alabama, yet you somehow manage to keep electricity, immediately lower all blinds and turn off all lights unless you want the entire neighborhood coming over to watch the game. A few quick links while you hurriedly purchase generators, backup floodlights, and extra ammo just in case: