As with so many other teams before yours, your foolishness in going into Oxford under anything but an assumed name or disguise alerted Houston Nutt’s shocktroops to your presence. Easily caught balls fly through usually reliable hands; the surehanded Newton fumbles three times; and Ryan Pugh, to the amazement of all assemble, manages to chop-block himself and has to be helped off the field. Jeremiah Masoli has a career day, and Auburn goes from national title front-runner to one-loss also ran.
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Things deteriorate when Auburn loses the Iron Bowl on a last second Julio Jones touchdown. The catch is made all the more spectacular when it is revealed that Julio Jones has played the entire year with not a broken hand, but instead with an entire prosthetic arm attached at the shoulder. The NCAA is contacted about his eligibility by Auburn after the game, but it is ruled to be fair in keeping with the precedent set in the case of Davie vs. Erickson, when Notre Dame fans challenged their loss in the 2001 Fiesta Bowl.*
Auburn goes to the Cotton Bowl, where they play Missouri, beat them by forty points, and watch sadly as Cam Newton and his magical blue ox Tisha lope into the sunset together.
*Notre Dame argued that using a mannequin for a coach was an unfair impingement of their competitive capabilities. The NCAA disagreed, citing the success other teams such as Michigan (Gary Moeller) and Ohio State (John Cooper) had using mannequins as coaches.
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