WHY DID YOU DO THIS? Dammit, you had to do this, didn’t you? You had to validate the dimwitted dreams of every FCS Athletic Director who says to themselves one day, “You know, I think I’m going to take Bucklefart State to FBS and become the next Boise State!” And when the school is bankrupt, and he’s being hauled off to jail for embezzlement, his last words before going to jail will be: “I thought we could be the next Boise State.”
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It’s not that you’re not clearly the better team here. But when you scramble for four quarters, and intercept two of Kellen Moore’s passes, and rush for 300 yards and still somehow enter the fourth quarter up by only a field goal, you’ll know it’s happening. A halfback pass puts them ahead by four. You respond with a long Cam Newton TD, but a yard shy of the goal line he fumbles because this is just what happens when you play Boise State.
We’ll spare you the rest of the gory details, but the final game-winning two-point conversion by Boise involves David Blaine, a tank of water, eighteen car batteries, an elephant, and a Douglas Fir lining up at wide receiver. In fact, it takes fifteen minutes of official discussion to determine whether the play is actually legal, which in the end through some miracle of carefully threaded football logic it is.
You finish 13-1, and it’s no one’s fault but yours, Mr. Second Place. You should have listened to GUS OF MALZAHN, who leaves just after the title game to become head coach somewhere else.
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