The team intro videos shown in sports arenas have become pretty standard fare. Usually you’ll see the team’s logo, which is sometimes on fire, followed up by a passably competent CGI animation, and you’ll hear a knockoff of a Queen or AC/DC song. The University of Alaska Nanooks, however, are refusing to adhere to convention.
What Are Arena Pump-Up Videos Missing? The Extinction Of The Human Race!
↵The Nanooks hockey program features a giant computer-animated polar bear rising from the waters to sink a fishing vessel using a giant hockey stick made out of lasers. Then the polar bear (which is now normal size) hops in a fighter jets and drops bombs on the Ohio State and Michigan State campuses, presumably inflicting mass casualties.
↵It gets better/worse. Then the polar bear flies his fighter jet around and drops bombs into a series of volcanoes. For some reason (science?), this causes the entire planet Earth to explode. The bear then flies through a wormhole, ejects from his aircraft, and once again takes out his hockey stick made of lasers. He lands in a hockey arena in the middle of deep space, takes to the ice, and plays a hockey game against nobody. Finally, he shoots the puck into the net and the net explodes, because that’s how deep space hockey works.
↵I wish I were clever enough to make this up. Actually, though, I’m pretty sure I wrote a story like this. When I was twelve.
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