Below, one of the funnier videos we’ve seen in a while. It’s fake, but still worth watching for the sheer absurdity of the parody. To that end—and because you might miss just how absurd it is on the initial viewing—we’ve provided a partial transcript below.
Video Of The Day: ‘Kobe, I Love You, Call Me Dude’
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↵Lakers fan: “Kobe Bryant!! I love you Kobe... The Black Mamba! Text me something, man, and I’ll text you back something witty. Yeah! Let’s develop some inside jokes. I want to know you, I want to make you smile. I want to be your sunshine. Let’s take a day trip to Santa Barbara, me and you. Let’s hit up some charming shops, let’s buy some antiques.”
↵Host: “Okay! So do you guys have anything you wanna say to your Lakers?”
↵Lakers fan: “Hey Kobe, man. Seriously call me, dude. I just want to have a little back-and-forth, get inside the head of a champion. You know what I’m saying? Have a dialogue, give you some meaningful compliments. Maybe I’ll have some statements that’ll occasionally surprise you, and challenge you to think outside the box. Because that’s how we learn, that’s how we grow, right? We never stop learning. You learn through sharing.”
↵“I’ll share something right now: I don’t trust people. I have trust issues. It’s difficult to change, they say, but maybe with some time, and your help, maybe you could be there when I finally learn to trust people again. Wouldn’t that be something special? Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?”
↵“When you’re upset, you need somebody to confide in... I’ll be there for you. I don’t want to do that thing where people try to fix everything, like ‘I got all the answers.’ Maybe I’ll just hold you? Maybe we just hold each other, and be, you know, okay with the silence.”
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↵It continues from there, and really, we now have the definitive satire of Kobe-obsessed Lakers fans. Or possibly just stalkers, in general. Either way, I can’t stop laughing. “Maybe you could be there when I finally learn to trust people again. Wouldn’t that be something special?”
↵(HT: Skeets)
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