Your Television Loves You: What To Watch On Saturday, May 1

Kentucky Derby
5:00, NBC. That's the schedule, anyway. This may be preempted by people in funny hats getting rained on.

NBA Playoffs
8:00, TNT - Celtics at Cavs, Game 1.

NHL Playoffs
12:30, NBC - Flyers at Bruins.
8:00, Versus - Canucks at Blackhawks.

Boxing
9:00, HBO pay-per-view - Floyd Mayweather vs. Shane Mosley.

Baseball
1:00, WGN - Diamondbacks at Cubs.
3:00, FOX - Mets at Phillies.

NASCAR
7:00, FOX - Calhoun 400.

Movies
8:00, FX - X-Men: The Last Stand. It's the crappy one. Don't watch!
9:30, Spike - Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. It's the crappy one. Don't watch!
8:00, AMC - Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. The book is better. Don't watch!
8:00, ABC - Meet the Fockers. There are 18 reasons you should not watch. Don't watch!
All television, all the time - Don't watch!