Dwayne Bowe Deals On Groupie Love In The NFL: ‘They Call It Importing’

In this week’s edition of ESPN the Magazine, Kansas City Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe provided some interesting anecdotes from his life for the magazine’s “lifestyle” section. Most of the time we hear the typical cliches from features like this—you know, rookies paying the tab at restaurants, going shopping for rims with teammates, etc.

And that’s all fine and still kinda interesting, but sometimes, a player actually tells the truth about what goes on in the life of pro athletes. And THAT is awesome. Via Pro Football Talk:

“You hear stories about groupies hanging out in hotel lobbies, but some of my teammates had it set up so there was a girl in every room. The older guys get on MySpace and Facebook a week before we go to a city; when a pretty one writes back, they arrange to fly her in three or four days in advance. They call it importing.”

(finds R Kelly on the iPod)

(pops champagne)

These girls had the whole top floor. They know everything about us -- first and last names, sisters and brothers, salary. This one girl was talking to me like she’d known me for years. ‘Hey, D-Bowe, how’s Grandma?’ I’m like, ‘How do you know my grandma?’ She knew that I talk about her everytime I’m interviewed for a story.

Okay, so that’s a little creepy. For the record, groupies of America, “How’s Grandma?” is a surefire way to kill the mood. Why don’t you just set up a portrait of Jesus next to the bed while you’re at it?

But... Where were we?

(unbuttons silk pajamas)

About that first part... Sounds eerily reminiscent of the “Shark Tank” phenomenon we mentioned a while back, in advance of NBA All-Star Weekend. Remember that?

There’s a veteran NBA player who will go unnamed here, but who’s been happily married for a few years now. Every time he and his entourage arrive in a city to party—like Dallas next weekend, for instance—they rent two separate hotel rooms.

The first room, called “The Holding Tank,” is where the player and friends party with certain females that are lucky enough to make it back to the hotel with said superstar. And then the second room, called “The Shark Tank,” is where the superstar and his associates get intimate with whichever groupies are lucky enough to make it past the holding tank.

There’s nothing more to the story, really, except that... This actually happens.

Anecdotes like these are why, as stale as the genre has become, there can never be enough athlete tell-all books. Because for all the stereotypes about athletes and excess, the truth often exceeds the hype. Is that socially commendable or even acceptable? Probably not. But damnit, it’s entertaning!

(converts living room to “shark tank”)

And who are we to moralize?

(signs up for MySpace)

If the roles were reversed, I can’t promise I wouldn’t indulge the groupie culture.

(realizes that bloggers will never, ever have groupies)

And don’t worry, ballers of the world. Worst comes to worst, R Kelly raises his glass to you.