Because You Always Enjoy Ridiculous Sports Quotes

This afternoon, as part of research for the Zach Randolph “double-double” story, I spent about twenty minutes looking for this quote:

“I just don’t want the day to come where I pick up that paper and it says [Zach] shot someone, or that he was shot. Every day that goes by that I don’t see that, I feel good.” -- Moe Smedley, Zach Randolph’s high school coach

Little did I know that my search would lead me to a goldmine of other epic sports quotes. Namely, the quote of the day archives over at Bill Simmons’ old homepage. And whatever you think about Bill Simmons, it’s hard to debate the value of this treasure trove. Some of the office favorites are after the jump.

“I had to get the 4.6 because Jay-Z said you can’t push the 4.0. It had no miles on it. It’s white with leather interior, three TVs ... It’s official, man.”
-- Celtics rookie Delonte West on his new Range Rover

“Whenever I see a homeless guy, I always run back and give him money, because I think, ‘Oh my God, what if that was Jesus?’” -- Pamela Anderson in TV Guide

”I was never really serious with one team. I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets ... then I got to “Saturday Night Live” where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I’m going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I’m gonna go sit with. I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I’m really rooting for the Red Sox.”
--Jimmy Fallon on his favorite baseball team

“I’ve been doing a little bit too much music, just needed the rest. I’ve still got my album coming out Nov. 23. After the album comes out I’m going to make sure all of my time is focused on winning a championship.”
-- Ron Artest on his recent two-game suspension

“I talked to Ricky about that hairdo. ... By Saturday, he will be looking good again, he said, his braider is out of town, she’s due back, so he’ll be straight come Saturday, in Detroit he’ll be looking good.”
-- Celtics sideline reporter Willie Maye, explaining during the Wizards-Celtics game why Ricky Davis was wearing an afro instead of cornrows

“You can’t knock the hustle. I mean, you see a brother getting broke off, you gotta like that. All I’m sayin’ is don’t stop breakin’ the bread now.”
-- Edgerrin James on Peyton Manning’s new contract

“It’s like Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder, they had their handicaps. It didn’t stop them from making their mark.”
-- Shyne, discussing how a 10-year jail sentence could affect his career

“I wasn’t 100 percent into rap and if I’m not 100 percent into something, I can’t do it. That’s just how real I am.”
-- Mase on why he retired from rap

“Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There’s clothes and shoes. There’s also an upcoming book deal that I’m trying to do. I’m trying to be positive. I’m a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize.”
-- Ron Artest on how he’s dealing with life after his suspension

For about 100 more epic quotes that you’d totally forgotten about, just go ahead and bookmark this page. As we found out this afternoon, it’s the gift that keeps giving.