Matt Hasselbeck Peels Back the Curtain on NFL Drug Testing

Sure, you may think that’s an innocent invitation to see the not-so-glamorous life of an NFL quarterback.

Then you click the link, and you find yourself pitying a millionaire who plays a game for a living.

The NFL considers itself a multibillion-dollar business with aspirations of being a trillion-dollar brand. Why are its cash cows taking drug tests in creepy bathrooms? Why can’t one of its veteran quarterbacks afford a phone with a thousand-megapixel camera? And can’t the league hire a less unnervingly happy guy to perform drug tests? Nurse Ratched might have been a better choice.

I’m going to go have nightmares now.

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