Former Notre Dame show pony and current Seattle draftee Golden Tate had himself a little pastry episode over the weekend that defies all logic, if not laughter. The Seattle Times confirmed today that Tate and a friend entered a local donut shop after hours and helped themselves. Except -- wait, no, it was his “friend” doing the pilfering. Of course:
Golden Tate Has Great Hands (For Stealing Baked Goods)
“A buddy made the mistake of going in, grabbing a couple,” Tate said, per Danny O’Neil of the Seattle Times. “We ate them. Nothing much to the story other than that. ... So this is definitely a lesson learned for me, and next time, I’m just going to have my buddy go in and buy them instead.”
Instead of stealing sweets, he’ll have them purchased for him! Is this mysterious other a buddy or a butler? At this stage of his career, Tate can likely afford plenty of both.
Pete Carroll’s reaction, by the way, was about what you’d expect:
“We talked about it, and he’s most remorseful about it and all that. I do understand the allure of the maple bars.”
The culture shock of the NFL really is something to behold, and with the coaches clearly willing to enable young players to a life of high-sugar hijinks ... maple bars are clearly a gateway drug. Guard your windowsills, housewives of Rockwell’s America. It’s only a matter of time before Tate moves on to pies.
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