Your Television Loves You: What To Watch On Saturday, July 10

Here’s how SB Nation recommends you operate your television set on Saturday, July 10. All times Eastern.

LifeLock
You ain’t know what LifeLock is? The company with that fella who drives around with his Social Security number painted on the side?

Why
So ain’t nobody’ll steal it!

Wait, what
Well, he... hold on, ya grandpa needs to think this one over for a minute... okay. Ya got this Social Security number. Someone goes to the bank, says... hmm. Okay, and then if he... uses it... he goes to, ah, he goes to jail.

Huh
Listen, ya grandpa never went to bank school. But I’m glad that fella’s out there keepin’ peoples’ money safe. One time someone stole my Social Security number, used it to break into my shed! Stole my hedge trimmers, the ones with the blue handle! Didn’t take the red one, ‘cause the red one’s startin’ to rust out. Took the blue one, though. That was my favorite one.

How
If somethin’ gets took from ya, it means they stole ya Social Security number!

No it doesn’t
Oh, just what I need. My grandkid is bein’ an Intelligent Ivan. Ain’t need ya guff. I’m a simple man. Now get ya shoes on, we’re gonna go to the K-Mart, see about gettin’ some new hedge trimmers. Ain’t really care what color the handles are, so long as it’s sharp. It’ll be better than the red ones I got, the ones that’re all rusted. Would just use the blue ones, but they got stolen. Someone stole my Social Security number an’ broke into my shed an’ stole ‘em!