America! The Situation’s Financial Situation Is Better Than Yours Or Mine

↵According to the Hollywood Reporter, Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will make upwards of $5 million dollars this year. And seeing as I didn’t even have to look up his real name before I wrote that sentence, clearly, his celebrity has grown leaps and bounds in the past year.

↵But before you whine about the downfall of the civilization, look at this way: That’s $5 million that will be reinvested into the economy about 5 million times quicker than any Obama stimulus package. ... Have you ever considered investing in Cadillac, self-tanner, and Seaside Heights liquor stores? Because you should.

↵As for Situation, he’s still coming to my wedding down the road. By the time I’m married (~seven years), he’ll be coming off his second stint on Celebrity Rehab, and his appearance fee will be down around $10,000. This $5 million changes nothing; it just means he’ll have better stories for the Groomsmen at my wedding.