Every day, we’ll canvass the internet for some of the finest bits of insight you’ll find from athletes, ANYWHERE. Really, you won’t find it anywhere else, because these are completely made up.
When we left Darrelle Revis yesterday, he was... Well, how should we put this? It looked like the Jets All-Pro cornerback was in the midst of a full-fledged orgy.
(Fake) Athlete Tweets: Is Darrelle Revis Ready To End His Holdout?
Only Tony Dungy could save him:
@Revis24 Son, let me talk to a little bit about Character. It counts, son. It's who you are when nobody's looking. Just you and Him.
Tony Dungy
TonyDungy
@TonyDungy Well dont look now, cuz Me and Her and Her is about to get into somethin' foul #groupielove #HOLDOUT4LIFE
Darrelle Revis
Revis24
But now, it’s 12 HOURS LATER...
Eyo tweeeps ... Revis Island is a mess. #Realtalk tweeps, i got a contest for yall!! 50 bucks to the first follower to hook me up wit a smoothieDarrelle Revis
Revis24
#hangoverDarrelle Revis
Revis24
Ayo @FiremanEd1! It's ya boy! Can u go G-E-T-S- me a f%@kin smoothie please? #dyingDarrelle Revis
Revis24
#Nowplaying Otis reddin "Mr. Pitiful" Darrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 Hey Revis, How bout you go get your own damn smoothie you selfish piece of ****! WE GOT CROMARTIE!!!!!
fireman ed
firemaned1
@firemaned1 dammmnnnnnn it was just a question fam. just wanted to know how bad you wanted to help out the team. Darrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 YOUR NOT ON THE TEAM U SELFISH PR**Kfireman ed
firemaned1
yo tweeps, first they build u up, then they .... SMH.Darrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 oh god. PLEEEEZ spare me the whole victim story. god. you people are all the samefireman ed
firemaned1
@firemaned1 you people? you people? No YOU PEOPLE r all the same. F#@kin jersey trash SMH #jetsfansDarrelle Revis
Revis24
Eyo tweeps ... yall ever felt all alone in this world? like what's it all even mean? is it worth it? #thinking #hangoverDarrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 dunno bout all that bruh. but yo coach just ordered 500 milkshakes for meetings. that means 250 for us #extrathick
Braylon Edwards
OfficialBraylon
feelin so, so alone right now tweeps. #hangover #holdinoutDarrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 I tried to tell you this day would come, son. The sinner leads a lonely life. A lonely life, indeed.Tony Dungy
TonyDungy
@TonyDungy I know it, coach. i feel it in my bones. i feel it everywhere. got a dry mouth too. i jus want a smoothie. or a milkshake or... something.Darrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 Well that's a step then, isn't it? We cannot find what we're not looking for, son. Have you read my book?Tony Dungy
TonyDungy
@TonyDungy Coach, I just want to play football. I think i need to talk to Coach Rex.Darrelle Revis
Revis24
@Revis24 Rex Ryan? That heathen? Ha. Like he'll fix your problems. I think you need to talk to Him. Tony Dungy
TonyDungy
@TonyDungy You're right. I'mmma talk to him then. Talk to him on Sunday. thanks for ur guidanceDarrelle Revis
Revis24
Folks, I'm happy to report that I've been talking to @Revis24, and he appears ready for a new path. Tony Dungy
TonyDungy
Sunday, 24 HOURS LATER
Eyo tweeps. Happy to announce that I've reached an agreement with the #Jets. In camp tomorrow!! Time to get this ring!! #NFLDarrelle Revis
Revis24
HOLY SH#T @TONYDUNGY DID IT!!! J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! #revis #revis #revis #revis #SUPERBOWL !!!!!!!fireman ed
firemaned1
THE END
(And for what it’s worth, in real life, Revis and the Jets are getting close).
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