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10 Questions For NFL Week 1: Will Everything Be Sloppy This Weekend?
Welcome to 10 Questions, in which Andrew Sharp answers super important questions about this Sunday. This week: why the Steelers-Falcons game is so important, Kanye’s antique fish tank, who wins the Cowboys-Redskins game, and more.Follow SB Nation on Twitter, and become a fan on Facebook.
Yeah, last night's Saints-Vikings game was sloppy as hell. Yeah, it all blurred together into a stream of three-and-outs and sacks and missed opportunities. And yeah, if we were grading both teams, it'd average out to about a C-minus. And God I hate Chris Collinsworth. But none of it mattered.
If we had to endure that game eight weeks from now, maybe we could complain. Even three weeks from now. Sloppy football games suck, especially when they’re close, because that means we’re legally obligated to keep watching the slop, lest we miss something spectacular in the final moments. BUT WE WERE WATCHING A FOOTBALL LAST NIGHT.
So none of it mattered. It was good to just have an excuse to eat disgusting food, have friends over, and chill on the couch watching football for four hours. (But yeah, that game kind of sucked).
At least Visanthe Shiancoe said something interesting idiotic afterwards. As he told Yahoo! Sports, "You’ve got to watch a team like the Packers—they’re the new Cowboys." He was being sarcastic:
Everybody’s jumping on their jock, like they’ve actually gone to the Super Bowl, and won it. Give them credit. They did good in the preseason. I mean, good. Good job. That’s good stuff.
While his point is well-taken—for some reason everyone decided the Packers are the best team in the NFC this year—his timing could use some work. On the list of things NOT to say after losing the first game of the season, “Sarcastically complimenting your biggest rival on a successful preseason” has to be right up there.
...But, hey. You see that?
Don’t look now, but players are saying stupid things in interviews, bloggers are blowing them out of proportion, and we’re all nodding like, “Ohhhh yeah. We’ll see what happens in Week 7, when the Vikings visit Green Bay.” OH YES WE WILL.
Because it’s football season, and this is what we do now. Plus: FAVRESACK.
Onto this week’s questions...
1. Will All This Weekend’s Games Be Like That?
Pssh... Come on. By the law of averages (or something), there has to be at least a few games that are well-played and exciting from start to finish. There will definitely be some duds though.
The problem with Week 1 football is that even the preseason can’t get people ready for the speed of the NFL. And if you think that sounds like the worst cliche ever, then do me a favor and re-watch the Saints-Vikings game. What we saw last night were two teams that didn’t quite have their timing down. There will certainly be exceptions this weekend, but this happens every year. It takes most teams a few weeks to settle into a comfort zone—even the bad teams take a few weeks to realize they’re awful and lay down accordingly.
So, appreciate the chaos while it lasts.
2. On A Scale Of 1-10, How Awkward Will The Jaguars-Broncos Game Be?
A solid 9.6, I think. The stadium will probably be sold out, but you have to think at least 70% of the crowd will be there to watch Tim Tebow stand on the Broncos sidelines. It's like going to watch a friend's intramural basketball game.
You go, because it’s what friends do sometimes. But then you look around at some point and realize, “Wow, I’m stuck watching an intramural basketball game for the next 60 minutes.” And even then, at least you get to watch your friend make a fool of himself.
With Tebow, he’s just going to be standing there on the sidelines, blinking a lot, staring intently at the field and gripping his clipboard sooooo hard. And tens of thousands of fans in Jacksonville will be transfixed by this, because otherwise, they’d have to focus on the abortion that’s sure to take place on the field.
Kyle Orton and David Garrard? Let's hear it for GAME MANAGERS!
And that’s not even mentioning the announcers and CBS cameramen, who’ll undoubtedly be forced to mention Tebow throughout the game, even though he probably won’t see the field for anything more than one or two token trick plays. “And there’s Tebow again! You can tell he’s really engaged in this one, and that’s got to be encouraging for Josh McDaniels and his staff. That’s exactly what you want to see out of a young player in the National Football League.”
The only thing worse than attending this game would be watching it from home. AVOID.
3. Which Games Will Be Showing In My Area?
So, in Washington D.C. I’m getting Carolina-New York, Cincinnati-New England, and Green Bay-Philadelphia. Which really sucks, and offers yet another reminder that DirecTV is probably worth the money solely on the strength of Sunday Ticket.
Alas... I'm stuck watching Carolina grind it out against the Giants, Cincinnati get trounced by New England, and... Well, Green Bay-Philly should be awesome, actually. So I'll quit bitching.
Announcer schedules are here.
4. Will Chris Johnson Rush For 200 Yards Against The Raiders?
Chris Johnson is certainly not a man lacking for confidence. “I made a decision to change my nickname to Every Coach’s Dream,” he said. “I feel like I’m the best player in the NFL. What more can a coach want from the position?”
But lost in all the hype over Chris Johnson this year—ahem, I may have said he's "as electrifying as Barry Sanders, or Eric Dickerson, or anyone else that's ever played football"—is the memory of last season. The Titans didn't start slow by coincidence. Johnson stumbled out of the gates and had just two 100-yard games as Tennessee limped to an 0-6 start.
Yes, that makes his subsequent 10 games and his 2,000 yard season all the more remarkable, but it’s also an excuse to pretend Chris Johnson still has “questions to answer” about his game. He doesn’t, and we know this. But maybe some media folks can convince him that he’s still got something to prove?
You know, just to see if they can trick him into being a little more superhuman.
In any case, he’s facing Oakland this weekend, a team that was 29th out of 32 teams against the run last year, giving up 155 yards-a-game. The Raiders should improve on that number this season, and I’m already on record picking them to make the playoffs, but wouldn’t it be cool to see Chris Johnson just DESTROY that team in Week 1? Keep your fingers crossed.
5. Kanye West Tweet Of The Week.
I know it’s not a question, but each week we’ll dedicate a different Kanye West tweet to someone in the NFL. This week’s edition...
This week's edition goes to Tom Brady, who yesterday morning got in a fairly vicious car accident and walked away without a scratch, and then signed a $60 million contract about 12 hours later. What's even more insanely swaggerific than buying an antique fish tank? Losing that same fish tank.
And that’s the level of swagger that Tom Brady’s working with at this point. Car accident? Eh, he’s fine. But too bad he wrecked his car, right? Eh, it was free. Well he still had to practice, right? That’s kind of tough? It was a walk-through, and afterward, he signed the richest contract in the history of his profession. Tom Brady can afford a lot antique fish tanks, and then he can afford to lose them. What does antique fish tank even look like, you ask? You’re too goddamn poor to know.
6. How Many Interceptions Will Jay Cutler Throw This Weekend?
The Lions plus 6.5 points in Chicago is easily the most enticing bet of the weekend. For a number of reasons. First, because everyone always assumes the Lions will suck, but they might not this year, and it always feels good to get in early and say, "I knew it all along!" Second, because the Bears are going to suck this year, so seeing them favored by 6.5 points over anyone should be red flag right off the bat.
But third, and most important, it just feels right to bet against Jay Cutler. Maybe he’ll have a comeback year this year, but to me, he’s this generation’s Jeff George, and last year was the beginning of a steady decline into mediocrity. The Bears are in his hands.
On the bright side, they gave Julius Peppers a $91 million contract this offseason.
7. What’s The Best Game Of The Weekend?
Tie between the Packers-Eagles on Sunday and Ravens-Jets on Monday night.
The Packers and Eagles should be phenomenal on Sunday. If it were in Green Bay, with Kevin Kolb on the road, we'd probably be talking about a blowout. But in Philly, you have to think Kolb will be at least average, and with the playmakers Philly has on the outside, they should do a nice job keeping things interesting. Plus: The Packers! I have no idea what to think of this team, because the preseason means absolutely nothing.
Visanthe Shiancoe may have picked the wrong time to say it, but that doesn’t mean he was wrong last night: When did we decide that this was the best team in the NFC?
I’m not saying they’re not, but... I’m interested to see for myself, against a tough Eagles team, in a hostile environment, etc. It’s a test worthy of the supposed favorites in the NFC.
As for the Ravens and Jets... You've got Revis coming back after like four practices. If he shuts down Anquan Boldin Monday night, it'll rank as one of the more impressive performances in recent memory. You've got Mark Sanchez and Joe Flacco, two linchpins for potential Super Bowl winners, both of whom are gigantic question marks at this point. You've got two kickass defenses (except for Baltimore's secondary ... but whatever).
Oh this? Just a photo of Revis jumping over a fence. ... Running from the cops athleticism?
Plus, Monday night, you’ve got Jon Gruden in the booth...
(Oh, wait. That is horrible.)
8. What’s The Most “Important” Game Of The Weekend?
It’s hard to pretend any game in Week 1 is really “important.” Even if a team lays an egg for the first month of the season, there’s still plenty of opportunity to win down the stretch, get hot, etc. But if we had to pick one game that might carry implications long beyond the first week of the season, it’d be Atlanta-Pittsburgh.
On Atlanta's side, they've still got a lot to prove after last year's hiccup. And even against Dennis Dixon, a win in Pittsburgh is a win in Pittsburgh, which would be huge for that team. And if they lose, well... They just lost to a team quarterbacked by Dennis Dixon. Sort of takes the wind out of their sails, and completely undermines their case for legitimacy.
On the other hand, if the Steelers can weather the storm without Ben Roethlisberger, they probably become one of the most attractive contenders in the AFC. And by "weather the storm" we mean: 2-2. That's all they need from this first month, when they play Tennesse on the road, Tampa Bay on the road, and then Baltimore at home.
Tampa should be a win, but the Titans and Ravens? Not so much. Meaning Atlanta at home is a golden opportunity to steal a game, and set themselves up for a .500 September. Then Ben Roethlisberger returns after the bye week to face Miami and Cleveland, gets the team rolling in the right direction, and set things up for a legitimate Super Bowl run.
Also: I hate Pittsburgh, so go Falcons.
9. Why Is Kansas City-San Diego A Monday Night Game?
Nobody knows. But that reminds me: Why are the NFC West games on television?
10. How ‘Bout The Skins And Cowboys On Sunday Night?
Each week, I’ll pick a random game to break down. This week, I’m going to Skins-Cowboys, so that’s the obvious choice. I’m also a Cowboys fan that hails from Washington D.C., which I should be honest about up front. I have my own reasons, but since this is a rivalry game, let’s break down why it makes sense for anyone to root for the Cowboys in this fight.
- The Redskins find new and different ways to suck every year. The Cowboys do, too, but at least they suck less.
- The Redskins alienated a lot of D.C. with their racist owner, George Marshall, who refused to add African-American players until 16 years after the NFL had become integrated. That, and they're named the Redskins. As Chris Rock once said, "Washington Redskins? That's like having a team called the New York N*****s."
- If you go to a game, you'll find that 'Skins fans are mostly from Virginia and Maryland. D.C., on the other hand, is at least a 70-30 between Skins and Cowboys fans, and probably closer to 50-50. As D.C. rapper Wale once lamented, "With one another it's hard. Nobody reppin' the 'Skins, they busy cheerin' them stars."
- Dan Snyder vs. Jerry Jones is a wash, because both men are completely reprehensible characters. But at least Jerry's honest about it.
- Would you rather cheer for a team that consistently signs star players two years past their prime and annually expects a Super Bowl only to have their hopes dashed by Week 6, or a team that annually contends for a Super Bowl? If Wall's going to adopt a D.C. team, he should start going to Caps games.
- Would you rather celebrate "the Hogs" or Michael Irvin and the '90s Cowboys?
- Joe Gibbs retired and took over a Nascar team. Jimmy Johnson retired and went to an island to fish and drink and wear goofy Hawaiian shirts.
- Darrell Green and Sean Taylor were both incredibly awesome, and for Cowboys fans like me and John, there's simply no getting around this fact. That, and LeBron likes the Cowboys, and that's tough to swallow.
Why should you root for the Redskins? Because they’re not the Cowboys, and for a lot of people, that’s the only reason they need. Anyway, onto the game.
With Donovan McNabb under center, the Skins will surprise people this year. McNabb's a good enough player to carry them for stretches, and he's still athletic enough to turn at least a few broken plays into positives. That's one thing that Jason Campbell lacked—not necessarily a criticism, but with the Redskins, a quarterback has to be able to salvage broken plays.
Relative to other great quarterbacks, McNabb's inferior. Give his Eagles teams to Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, or Drew Brees, and there would have been at least one Super Bowl the past decade.
But for Washington, they’ve never had someone that’s good enough to even get mentioned in the same sentence as those guys. So yeah, he’ll make a big difference in D.C. this year, and he gives the Redskins a shot at victory in any game they enter.
Including this week, when Dallas will be playing with an offensive line that’s battling multiple injuries, coming off a terrible preseason, and (still) having identity issues on offense. Now, let’s pause for a moment to hear Michael Irvin discuss Roy Williams:
"I won't take Dallas (to win to the Super Bowl) until Dallas has whatever it needs to stop playing 10 vs. 11. And with Roy Williams on the field, they're playing 10 vs. 11. Now, if they put the young boy Dez Bryant in? You better believe I'll take Dallas."
YOU HEAR THAT ROY? YOU’RE SO MUCH WORSE THAN AN EMPTY ROSTER SPOT.
Sorry. It's just impossible to talk about the Cowboys without venting about Roy Williams. As for the rest of the team, it's the same issue as always—there's no identity. Dallas has so much talent at the skill positions, that it's impossible for them to string together coherence as an offensive unit. Maybe a great coach could make it work, but with Wade Phillips, Tony Romo, and Jason Garrett at the helm, it's hard to be very confident that somehow, this is the year that everything changes.
That said, there’s enough talent on defense to make McNabb miserable on Sunday night. And you know what’s good about having too many skill players on offense? You blow a lot of people out of the water based on talent alone. When Dallas gets to the playoffs, it’ll be important to have an identity, and for Romo to have a couple go-to guys, etc. But against a team like the Redskins, Dallas can get by simply because they’re just better.
The Cowboys may not be the type of team that'll win a Super Bowl, but they're still really, really good. The Redskins may surprise people this year, but they're not going to beat teams like Dallas. I mean, Washington's starting Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, and Joey Galloway in Week 1. Jesus. A real corpse-y group there, no?
So Dallas should be fine. I'm feeling good about it. The preseason doesn't matter. The Redskins aren't good enough. The offensive line doesn't matter, anyway. There's just too much talent out there. Romo's ready to take the next step, Marion Barber will stay healthy, and Felix Jones will be a Pro Bowler this year.
This is what I keep telling myself. In fact, it’s what I tell myself at the beginning of every season. And chances are, I’m not alone. We’re all convinced this is the year, just like every year. Even Redskins fans think they have a chance. Welcome to Week 1.
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