VIDEO: Keith Brooking’s Insane (Or Insanely Lame) Pre-Game Speech

↵Dear Mr. Brooking,

↵You’re doing it wrong.

↵Your heart’s in the right place, and we know this. But come on. You cannot speak in my complete sentences when you’re trying to fire up the troops. “They have opened the doors to their house and we got a little situation on our hands.” ... What?

↵“We gotta fight, we gotta scratch, we gotta bleed. For each OTHERRRRR.”

↵Dude, you sound like one of the guys from 300. Which isn’t a bad movie, except... the speeches were unintentionally hilarious, and sort of a parody of themselves. And that’s what your speeches are. You’re just making a fool or yourself and your teammates. We’re not laughing with you, Keith.

↵Plese consult Ray Lewis or Ed Reed or even Drew Brees if you’d like to improve.

↵Until then, we’d have to ask you to recuse yourself from all further duties as the designated hype man for the Dallas Cowboys. For your sake, for Dallas’ sake... For everyone, Keith.

↵Just do the right thing here.

↵Thanks in advance,
Everyone