Earlier, I asked you to help us determine which is the best wearable accessory in the history of baseball. Your responses, as usual, were provocative and invaluable.
RESULTS: The Greatest Accessory In Baseball History
In most cases, I would wait until later in the afternoon to determine a winner. Today, though... today, there should be a referee waving his arms as Howard Cosell stands behind him, grasping his microphone with white knuckles, and yelling, “IT IS OVER! IT IS OVER! IT IS OVER! IT IS OVER!”
Look at it. It’s amazing.
I cannot believe that I have lived 28 years of life, and spoken to thousands of people, without someone at some juncture making me aware that this exists. It is literally the best thing (literally), and I have Twitter enthusiast @PunkOnDeck to thank. He also sent along this terrific piece from Uni Watch chronicling other players who have worn some sort of face protector.
I encourage you, friends, to take your own meaning away from this image of Ellis Valentine. Personally, I think Ellis Valentine sets an example for us all by using every part of the woolly mammoth. The baby woolly mammoth that he killed with his bare hands in the ancient frozen lands of northern Canada. In our culture, affixing its tusks sideways to one’s face means nothing. In the land he is from, it represents nobility, and more importantly, resourcefulness.
Honorable mentions go to @mdetura and @acone419, as well as duke_diligence. If you have an idea for a future Imperative Baseball Debate, please let me know.
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