The Animated GIFs Of April, Numbers 5 Through 1

(Click here to start from the top of the list.)

5. Tom Hanks and his smug Lakers fandom

(Via @chenp22)

REASONS WHY PEOPLE ARE NO LONGER SITTING NEXT TO TOM HANKS AT THE LAKERS GAME POWER RANKINGS
5. Kept trying to pitch them on a “Toy Story 4” script in which the toys survive human extinction because they aren’t biodegradable, but begin to wonder whether immortality is a curse
4. Kept trying to pitch them a Forrest Gump sequel in which Forrest Gump is a curmudgeonly old man (working title: Forrest Grump)
3. See what he’s doing here? He was doing that all game. Trying to sell chairs to people. No thanks, dude.
2. Kept trying to pitch them on an “Apollo 14” film that would feature Buzz Lightyear as a co-star, cited solid work relationship with Tim Allen
1. Kept trying to pitch them on a Road to Perdition sequel in which John Perdition kills a Yeti

4. Andruw Jones treated to garbage shower

(Click image to view. Via @bubbaprog at Mocksession)

STEPS REQUIRED TO PULL THIS OFF POWER RANKINGS
5. Watch 19-year-old Andruw Jones hit back-to-back home runs against the Yankees to open the 1996 World Series
4. Gather an armload of garbage
3. Wait for approximately 15 years, during which Andruw Jones regresses from a superstar to a one-tool journeyman and eventually ends up with the Yankees
2. Wait for a foul ball to bring him your way
1.

3. Larry Bird is delighted

(Click image to view. Via @jose3030)

THINGS THAT LARRY BIRD COULD JUST AS EASILY BE LOOKING AT POWER RANKINGS
5. Rainwater pouring out of a gutter while a woman occasionally sits nearby, staring at it intently while holding a boombox on her lap and pausing/playing the audiobook of “Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever: The Book Of The Film” at apparently random intervals
4. A man sitting in a rocking chair (but not rocking), slowly turning pages in food processor’s instruction manual, gingerly tearing each page out of the manual after it is turned and crumpling them up and slowly chewing them
3. Kurt Rambis nailing a sign to a fencepost in the middle of a desert, far from any man or beast, that simply reads, “FREE COPIES OF BABY’S DAY OUT ON LASERDISC, PLEASE INQUIRE” along with the number to his fax machine
2. Rutger Hauer making a turkey sandwich, cutting it both horizontally and diagonally, picking up a megaphone, and declaring to the scores of kittens that crawl around him that it is a pizza and that they are all philistines
1. This

2. Adrian Beltre, Michael Saunders pause baseball

(Suggested by our own Jeff Sullivan)

REASONABLE COURSES OF ACTION FOR MICHAEL SAUNDERS TO TAKE HERE POWER RANKINGS
5. Identify Adrian Beltre as a temple guard from Legends of the Hidden Temple, proceed accordingly
4. Identify Adrian Beltre as a man who is expecting a hug, proceed accordingly
3. Run to center field and declare asylum
2. Suspend the game of baseball for eternity by simply sitting down and refusing to run out the play
1. Just run to third base in the off-chance that his entire life is taking place inside the circuitry of an RBI Baseball Nintendo cartridge and he’s only out if Adrian Beltre is actually standing on the base because that’s how it worked

1. Kevin Durant’s insane reverse

(Click image to view. Via @bubbaprog at Mocksession)

REASONS YOU HAVE NOT BEEN WATCHING THE NBA FINALS POWER RANKINGS
5. You think the act of basketball-collecting would be much more efficient if a) the bucket didn’t have a hole in the bottom of it and b) the bucket wasn’t 10 feet off the ground
4. Saw “Oklahoma City” in the TV listings, figured it was a lacrosse match or soccer match or some made-up sport in which a guy on a hoverboard throws a glowing orb into a larger glowing orb and some futuristic-sounding guy declares a “CYBER-GOAL” or something
3. It is played inside, and is therefore technically “roughhousing,” which runs contrary to your value system
2. Due to their height, you habitually refer to every player as “Dad,” which really starts to stress you out after a while
1. You don’t like it when things are fun