As the Kentucky Derby nears, people from all over the world will converge on Louisville (if you are unfamiliar with my city, just picture “Cincinnati if Cincinnati looked nice” or “Indianapolis minus professional sports teams plus things that are interesting.”) Placing a wager at Churchill Downs can be a daunting prospect for an out-of-towner.
Kentucky Derby Betting Terms: A Vocabulary Lesson For Out-Of-Towners
You’re surely familiar with “win,” “place,” “show,” and other bits of vocabulary you’ll hear at the Downs. Here are other terms you’ll need to memorize before you make your way about track and town:
TOOTHBRUSH: the horse
TOOTHPASTE: the jockey
SPECTACULAR TOOTHBRUSH: a horse drunk on bourbon
SPECTACULAR TOOTHPASTE: a jockey drunk on bourbon
SPECTACULAR MOUTHWASH: bourbon
MINT JULEP: mouthwash mixed with bourbon
WIN: first place
PLACE: second place
SHOW: third place
FOOT: fourth place
BARF: fifth place
MOM: sixth place
DAD: seventh place
THE LORD’S BREADCRUMBS: every other place
A SOUNDLESS SHRIEK IN HELL: an intentional bet of $100 or more on a horse that does not exist
ACCOST THE COMPTROLLER: to make a package bet that calls for every horse in the race to tie for fourth place
ORDAIN THE HOBO: to bet on the tractors that comb the dirt prior to a race
OVERTHROW THE ALDERMAN: to make every wager that is mathematically possible
INTERRUPT THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH CAPTAIN: to insert money into the betting terminal and slapping the touch screen with your open palms until a wager is placed
IMPEACH THE BARISTA: to run on the track and attempt to literally place your bet on top of a horse
HOT BROWN: toppings on a single piece of bread that is called a “sandwich” in an effort to bilk out-of-towners out of an extra slice of bread
MAN: drunk man
SNOB: sober man
RAT BREAKFAST: the Churchill Downs infield
GLASS OF WATER: placing a bet on a glass of water
HORSE: cocaine
For more on the world of horse racing, check out SB Nation’s blog And Down The Stretch They Come.
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