Despite ample opportunity over the past few weeks, the teams at the top and bottom of the Ligue 1 table have largely refused to create any real separation. The title looks a two-horse race at the moment, but Lyon are still close enough that they’d scarcely consider themselves out of the running altogether. They’ll have a massive chance to close the gap this weekend as send-place Marseille come to pay a visit while Lille will look at the tough tasks ahead of their closest rivals and their clash with relegation threatened Nancy as an opportunity to create a bit of breathing room.
Ligue 1 Preview, Week 34: Lyon Hope To Keep Slim Title Hopes Alive Against Marseille
Saturday
AJ Auxerre vs, Montpellier
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
Auxerre have a chance to put themselves in a much safer position with the teams below them in the relegation battle all facing tough tests in their own right and Montepellier a an hilariously impotent team away from home. Montepellier are playing to stay in the top of the table. That doesn’t really seem fair, does it? The Montpellier players should all have to shave off an eyebrow if they lose, just to ensure they have something more tangible than pride to play for.
Pick: Auxerre, 2-0
Arles vs. St. Etienne
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
Arles have scored only four goals away this season. Luckily for Arles they’re playing at home. Unluckily for Arles they’re still Arles.
Poor Arles.
Pick: St. Etienne, 3-1
AS Monaco vs. PSG
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
PSG are still clinging onto their title hopes by a thread and they’re behind Lyon only on goal difference for the final Champions League spot. Monaco remain just a point off the drop but they have the edge over their felllow bottom-table sides in terms of goal difference. PSG score a lot of goals, while Monaco are a very stingy defensive club. It’s the irresistible force meets the immovable object and based on my understanding of physics, the result will be the explosion of the universe due to mathematical paradox. Luckily, this means your mother will never find out you forgot to but her a present.
Pick: Draw, 1-1
Bordeaux vs. Sochaux
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
This one’s for all the marbles. I mean that literally; the winning team gets every single marble in the entire univers. They’re calling it the Coupe du Marbre. I was surprised to find out the FFF had that much sway, but there you go. My nephew Jimmy is going to be really bummed out. He spent all the money he made mowing lawns on a real swell collection of catseyes.
Pick: Draw, 2-2
Brest vs. Nice
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
Ha! Get it?
*nudges you in a really irritating manner while raising eyebrows suggestively*
Pick: Brest, 1-0
Caen vs. Lens
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
Lens are, in reality, well and truly screwed while Caen can get themselves really close to safety with a win in this game. If I were Lens I’d put eleven men behind the ball and just give Caen raspberries the entire game.
Pick: Caen, 1-0
Lorient vs. Toulouse
Time: 19:00 CEST/1:00 PM EDT
Lorient and Toulouse both have rather vibrant and pleasant primary colors, so I find it interesting that were one to mix them together they would end up with a dull, drab earth tone. All the life, sapped right out of them, the sum of the vivid parts a staid, almost deathly whole.
This has been Philisophical Musings On The Elements Of Design Against The Backdrop Of French Association Football.
Pick: Lorient, 3-2
Nancy vs. Lille
Time: 21:00 CEST/3:00 PM EDT
This is one of those games that will see the vast majority of truly disinterested fans pulling desperately for Nancy to manage the upset, to knock the king of the league in waiting off their throne and simultaneously pull themselves from the depth.
Well too bad, vast majority of truly disinterested fans. You’re probably going to get boring, predictable and depressing.
Pick: Lille, 2-0
Sunday
Valenciennes vs. Stade Rennes
Time: 17:00 CEST/11:00 AM EDT
I keep wanting to predict Stades Rennes to lose, just because oh my God be more boring, but the reality is that sometimes boring can be good, at least in terms of results. I mean I doubt anyone thinks watching Arles play could be described as boring, and look how far that’s gotten them. The utilitarian in me likes boring. Draws are efficient results. Good on you, Stades Rennes.
Pick: Valenciennes, 18-1
Lyon vs. Marseille
Time: 21:00 CEST/3:00 PM EDT
This should be a fantastic game, but how often do the most intriguing matchups turn out to be all that great? It seems like whenever a marquee game ends up being even slightly entertaining no one will ever shut up about it. So you know what? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this game is going to be awful. Thanks for ruining my mental image of how my Sunday is going to go, Lyon and Marseille. Bunch of jerks.
Pick: Lyon, 2-0
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