Riggleman Calls It Quitskies

The recent managerial resignations reminded me of Quitskies® cereal (“The Only Cereal Made for Quitters”). It was sort of like Wheaties (only cheaper), but instead of featuring great athletes like Steve Garvey on its box, Quitskies had Ed Muskie and Shelley Long. We always knew where we stood with our stepdad Randy by which cereal he brought home from the liquor store. But I can’t complain—if it weren’t for Randy’s random, booze-fueled discipline, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I sell rabbits to the dog track. I find them in my backyard, so it’s all profit.