NL Downs AL 5-1 In All-Star Game, As Prince Fielder Delivers Decisive Blast

The seventh inning began not with the playing of baseball, but with a delay so that everybody in the park and watching from home could pause and acknowledge that cancer is really awful and destroys lives on a daily basis. “Having a good time watching this All-Star Game? Too bad! Cancer sucks and is everywhere!” On the plus side, as remarked by every person I follow on Twitter, the delay did allow us to find out that Joe Buck is perfectly suited for talking about a debilitating illness.

I’m skipping paragraphs and going to bullet points now because I’m sick of having to try to tie things together.

There’s a Stand Up To Cancer commercial they’ve aired three or four times now that features Ray Romano and Reese Witherspoon sneaking up on two different parties dining at restaurants. Romano and Witherspoon are wearing Stand Up To Cancer tee shirts, and the parties are excited and get up and hug them, and that is the commercial about beating cancer. There might be more to it but I haven’t actually paid attention to the dialogue. I’ve listened to scripted Ray Romano and Reese Witherspoon dialogue before and I’ll be damned if I make that mistake again.

There is not a single unattractive person currently in or around the Chase Field pool. I have been to Arizona. I have been to Phoenix. I give 20% odds those people arrived there organically, 40% odds those people were placed, and 40% odds those people are detailed moving holograms, which is the future of .gif technology.

In case you missed it, watch it before it’s pulled down!

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I will leave you to interpret Timberlake’s message but it should not go without saying that he was drinking a giant beer, and talking about how much he likes beer.

↵Well, Wilson’s raised his game this season: more strikeouts, fewer walks, still plenty of ground balls. He’s eighth in the American League in fWAR, ninth in xFIP, 13th in FIP. I don’t know if Wilson’s the guy for the fourth inning. But he’s good enough to pitch in the All-Star Game.

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We have a run! Which means we have pitchers of record, and hope for a conclusion!

↵↵Uh, yeah. Except I have to think somebody who played the game was involved in this decision. I think they oughtta move the All-Star Game to Wednesday if starters really can’t throw an inning after just one day of rest.

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The actual All-Star Game has finally started, and it’s difficult to overstate just how little happened in the game’s first inning. Or understate. I don’t know, I’m just a writer who doesn’t know words.

According to Tim McCarver, Adrian Gonzalez is “hands-down, first-half MVP, no question.”

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Roy Halladay’s an eight-time All-Star, which seems like a lot. Especially considering that Greg Maddux was an All-Star eight times.

↵Halladay’s got a ways to go to catch Tom Seaver, though; he was an All-Star twelve times. And if Halladay somehow catches Seaver, he’ll still trail Warren Spahn and his fourteen seasons as an All-Star. And remember, the rosters were significantly smaller in Spahn’s day.