MLB Trade Rumors: Where Are All The Joakim Soria Rumors?

It’s tradin’ season. People wake up, groggy from a rumor hangover, and spike their coffee with more rumors. Then they have a six-rumor lunch before going back to the office and sneaking a couple of rumors they’ve hidden in their desk. It’s a downward spiral.

But when you go to MLB Trade Rumors and search for Joakim Soria, the last entry was from five days ago -- an eternity in our rumor-drunk, Twitter-filled lives. And the entry wasn’t even that exciting as far as rumors go.

How are you doing? Can we get you anything? So, you’re still the closer. Cool, cool. I have this thing on the other side of town, but it was good catching up with you.

“We certainly understand and appreciate why there would be strong interest in him,” (Royals G.M. Dayton) Moore said. “He’s a premium closer. But he fits for us, and our view of Joakim Soria hasn’t changed as it pertains to his importance to our team.That article doesn’t say that the Royals are going to keep Soria. On the contrary, it says the Royals are looking for a “major return” for their closer. And that’s a good thing. That should be the public position. Blow us away, the team should say. We don’t have to trade him.

But what would scare me, if I were a Royals fan, would be the nagging idea that they really want to keep Soria at all costs.

“The strength of our team is the bullpen,” Moore said. “So what happens if we move Crow to the rotation, and we don’t have Soria?“Last place. The Royals would be in last place without an excellent closer.

I know this because they’re in last place with an excellent closer. They were in last place with an excellent closer in 2010. They were in last place with an excellent closer in 2009. And without an excellent closer, they will still be in last place.

A closer is like the perfect necktie. The right one can really complete an outfit, bringing together different colors into a cohesive, functional, and exciting look. Right now the Royals don’t have any pants. They’re walking around the cocktail party with the best damned necktie you’ve ever seen, but no one is getting within 30 feet of them because they don’t have pants. They should think about getting some pants.

If the right deal comes along, the Royals need to trade Joakim Soria for some good, young pants. I mean, good, young players. The Royals received a visit from the Ghost of Deadlines Future this year when it looked like Soria had completely lost it. On May 30th, Soria had a 6.55 ERA. He had blown three straight save opportunities, and he had blown them with style, giving up eight runs and three home runs over 2-1/3 innings.

His velocity was down, his curveball wasn’t working. There were more than a few people in the Royals’ front office, I would guess, who quietly and regretfully thought about all of the young players they could have traded Soria for in the offseason.

So take the reprieve. Since May 30th, Soria has pitched in 19 games, allowing just one earned run. He looks every bit the dominant closer he was over the past few years. And he’s not going to be especially cheap going forward -- his contract has a club option for $6 million in 2012, and club options for $8 million in 2013 and 2014 -- but he’s locked up without a lot of risk to a team that can afford those rates.

But the last thing they need to do is keep their closer because they need a closer. They don’t. They can get by with just a collared shirt and some pants right now, and if they get invited to a black-tie event in the future, they can worry about that then.