The Animated GIFs Of June, Acts VI Through X

(Via Baseball Nation’s Jeff Sullivan)

BROOKS CONRAD. WOO
JASON HEYWARD. WOOOOOOOO
DIORY HERNANDEZ. Why are you mobbing me? I didn’t do anything. The pitcher balked and advanced me home for the winning run.
BROOKS CONRAD. Maybe we should stop mobbing him, then.
JASON HEYWARD. You can’t stop mid-mob. It’s like trying to shut down a nuclear reactor. To simply shut it off immediately would be dangerous.
BROOKS CONRAD. I guess I don’t really understand mobbing the plate.
DIORY HERNANDEZ. Mobbing the plate. That sounds like a skateboarding trick.
BROOKS CONRAD. I get “celebrating.” That I get. What I don’t get is this weird thing where everyone gathers around a guy and just starts jumping around. Nobody did that, and then all of a sudden, like five years ago, EVERYBODY did it.
DIORY HERNANDEZ. Guys, are you mobbing me because you think I did a skateboarding trick? I can’t skateboard.
JASON HEYWARD. You can’t? MOB OVER, THIS ASSHOLE CAN’T SKATEBOARD
BROOKS CONRAD. (rips “I Can Skateboard” patch off sleeve of Diory Hernandez’s jersey)
DIORY HERNANDEZ. That was my only shirt.
BROOKS CONRAD. Well, it’s still your only shirt.

(Via @bubbaprog)

KING OF REFEREES. What have you to say for yourself?
BILL KENNEDY. I’m sorry, Your Highness. I violated our most sacred law.
KING OF REFEREES. And what is that law?
BILL KENNEDY. As referees, we are not to have sexy dance parties on camera. I’m sorry. I thought I was out of the view of the camera.
KING OF REFEREES. No. Verbatim. State the law in full.
BILL KENNEDY. (sigh) Okay. As referees, we are not to have sexy dance parties on camera, lest the public viewing audiences find out that we are super sexy partiers who are always having sexy dance parties literally all of the time.
KING OF REFEREES. Very good.
BILL KENNEDY. Your Highness, I humbly request that you consider that my dance really was a super sexy dance.
KING OF REFEREES. Indeed it was. It was a sexy dance. It was like a sexy dance party. In this light, I shall offer amnesty. You are to return to your job as a guy who whistles and points in a manner that players and fans find more or less agreeable.
BILL KENNEDY. Thank you for your mercy. (salutes) F*** the visitor.
KING OF REFEREES. F*** the visitor. Forever and ever.

(Click image to view. Via @bubbaprog)

BALL. That was our only right fielder!
BAT. Sorry.
BALL. Now we can’t play anymore. Unless you want to climb over there and get it.
BAT. I can’t. I am a baseball bat.

(Click image to view. Via @bubbaprog)

TYSON CHANDLER. What do you think would happen if you didn’t look like a complete goofy dope every damn second of your entire life?
CHRIS BOSH. Well, then necessarily, a different person would exist in my place.
CHANDLER. I don’t see why that would necessarily be the case. Just be yourself, minus the tongue-wagging and eye-bugging and galumphing around and whatnot.
BOSH. I’m afraid I cannot be parted out. I am a human being, you see.
CHANDLER. Well, so am I. But sometimes I’m happy. Other times I’m discouraged. At times I’m sure of things, and at times I’m nonplussed.
BOSH. Is it possible that you are not the same person?
CHANDLER. What, that I’m schizophrenic?
BOSH. Not really... perhaps you’re simply a different person in this moment than you were in the last, and that Tyson Chandler is effectively dead.
CHANDLER. He’s not dead.
BOSH. He isn’t? Well, he isn’t you, we know that! I’d like to shake his hand! Where is he? I would like to mail him a letter! What is his address? He’s dead, Ty, dead as the trees we’re standing on.
CHANDLER. That’s... that’s so sad.
BOSH. Is it? Would you have mourned if I hadn’t said anything?
CHANDLER. Interesting. A more interesting question might me, “should I have mourned?” There are only so many hours of our lives. How many of them should we spend lamenting the--
BOSH. LOOKIT I CAN MAKE A FUNNY FACE ARGLE BLARGLE
CHANDLER. You’re impossible.

(Click image to view. Via @bubbaprog)

BAT. You could, uh, probably put me down.
CARLOS GONZALEZ. Hold on. Busy.
BAT. Right. Too busy to carry me, right?
GONZALEZ. Hold on.
BAT. No, that... see, that’s the problem. You’re holding on. To me. When you don’t need to.
GONZALEZ. I might need you.
BAT. For what?
GONZALEZ. For baseball.
BAT. Okay, see, the “bat” part of this play is over. I’m... okay, I’m the scaffolding around the Space Shuttle. It’s already blasted into orbit. You don’t need it.
GONZALEZ. I might.
BAT. This isn’t a video game. You can’t just run around carrying items you don’t need without them weighing you down.
GONZALEZ. Remember in Wolfenstein 3D, how you start in that jail cell with nothing but a knife? You know what’s interesting about that game? The knife is the only difference between the player and Hitler.
BAT. what
GONZALEZ. Yeah. Think about it. Hitler was stuck in a jail cell and he wrote Mein Kampf. If he had a knife to stab the guard and escape, things would have been different. At the end of the game I tried to kill Super-Hitler with the knife, in order to be poetic or ironic or whatever, but it turns out I pretty much had to have the chain gun to beat him.
BAT. put me down please