Your Worthless No-Count Friend Texts You Updates From Jim Thome’s 600th-Homer Game

Yo we’re at target field. Schmo says jim thome is gonna get his 10000th hit
That would be pretty rad but he’d have to play forever to get 1000 hits
How many games in a season? Like 160 right
Even if you got 1 hit a game it would take you like 50 years
So who gives a crap? Anyone could hit 500 hits if they played for a billion centuries
Jim thome doesnt really look like a old man tho. He’s huge
He looks like a really young god
Like god when he was 4

I wish target field was more like target
Targets got some pretty bomb ass snacks now. They got fridges with frozen pizzas in them
Use to just have this sucky bar thing that just had these grody hot dogs that were sitting on the rollers all day
Siht was nasty son
I wish target field had a electronics section like the real target
Want to go mess around with that demo they have of the camera you hook up to your game boy and it’s a printer too
Take a picture of my middle finger + butt
Jim thome just hit his 59th home run
Good job 4 year old god
Hahaha schmo keeps calling him god toddler
Goddler
Llllllol
Ok i dont really give a crap about 60 home runs i’m gonna get wasted

Beer is mad costly but i dont give a rip. Grandpa wouldnt of wanted me to spend his inheritance on lemonade
Oh daaaaaaang
Dang schmo got an idea
We’re gonna catch jim thome’s 50th career hom run
Sell it on ebay an make thosands of dollars
Were running to the outfield now
Wtf
Schmo just tripped
He was running and got his jncos caught on some lady’s kid
Busted his mouth up real bad
Looks like a dracula
Rad rad rad rad rad rad
Kid looks kinda messed up too we’re gettin outta here

Ok i dont think securitys gonna catch us
I hate running when im drunk. Makes me gotta fart like windmill
Dont know what that means
Everyones cheering. I think thom hit his 50th hit
Shoooooot i taken more hits off a bong pops
I aint foolin dad
Hahahahahshshshgs god toddler
Just god existing all by himself not old enough to create the univrse
Wearing overalls an has a juicebox, cryin for his mom
But he doesnt have a mom
Aw thats sad
Aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww

Me and schmo just got kicked out. Guard said it was cause we were lying there drunk but i think its cause we were crying
Deserved it either way. Crying is for munches
Well i dont know what else there is to do in minnesota
Guess i’ll take a crap and then just go to sleep in the middle of a field
Smell you later