The Animated GIFs Of July: Act V Of VII

BUD SELIG. All right. We’ve been avoiding this all day, but there is something we must discuss. That, of course, would be the events of July 26th.

The conference room fills with worried murmurs.

BUD SELIG. As we all know, on that evening, the Braves and Pirates played a 19-inning game. It was a long game.

JOE TORRE. Indeed. It was a long game. To the projector, please.

(Via Baseball Nation’s Jeff Sullivan)

JOE TORRE. From the outset, we can assume that most 19-inning games are not, by and large, well-played games. After all, if two teams are matching each other run-for-run, it’s most likely that they’re doing so because nobody’s scoring any damn runs.

BUD SELIG. To boot, as games last longer, teams must reach deeper into their bullpens and call upon their worst pitchers. So we’re left with bad pitching, and the batters can’t even hit that, so they must be really bad.

JOE TORRE. I don’t know why we do this to our fans. Who could possibly be interested in watching such a spectacle! Take this gentleman in attendance, for instance.

(Via Baseball Nation’s Jeff Sullivan)

BUD SELIG. What is he doing?

JOE TORRE. He’s running around with cups! He made a big f***ing stack of cups and started running around with them! He found that to be more interesting than baseball.

BUD SELIG. Wow.

JOE TORRE. I’m going to state that again, because I feel it deserves restatement: there are a lot of things more interesting to a bored person than running back and forth with a stack of cups. You could play hide-and-seek throughout the stadium with your friend. You could get drunk. You could run around and try to catch foul balls. You could go out to the car and read the car’s instruction manual until your friends were ready to leave. How monumentally and abjectly bored would someone have to be in order to think, “you know what, I’m going to get a bunch of cups and stack them together and run around with that s*** for a while.”

And, hey! Do you want to see the winning at-bat? Do you want to see what the batter who won the game looked like? Here you go!

(Via Amanda Rykoff)

Scoffs and groans are heard throughout the room.
JOE TORRE. That’s Scott Proctor, and yes, you’re looking at the game-winning play. The guy who hit the game-winner fell down while trying to run to first base. He is a professional athlete! In what other sport does a player fall down completely of his own accord while making the game-winning play? What is this sport? Why do we play it?

I have given my life to this game, and I have seen this month, and I have seen this play, and I want to shake everyone who watches us by the shoulders and yell, “what the f*** is wrong with you? We don’t deserve you!”

Thankfully, we were all put out of our misery in the 19th inning. Again, please, to the projector.

(Via Baseball Nation’s Jeff Sullivan)

WILL VENABLE. He was out!

CHRIS SALE. That’s impossible. It’s impossible!

JOE TORRE. Please! Everyone, let’s save the hysterics.

ROBINSON CANO. (stands) We’re not hysterical! The game is hysterical! What game is this? It’s not the one I play!

BRUCE CHEN. Or maybe it is!

BRUCE CHEN stands, and as he does, he blocks the projector and throws his shadow against the screen. He turns and points.

BRUCE CHEN. Perhaps that is the game we play. Why wouldn’t it be? I’ve sat here for hours and I haven’t seen anything good! Nothing good! A bunch of grown men undertaking the chores of a child... and failing! We can’t depend on ourselves to run without falling, or throw without error. The game is over. It’s all over. I hope I never see it again.

An uproar.
BUD SELIG. Okay, please, if we could...

BUD SELIG is drowned out by the bickering and shouting that has consumed the room.

BUD SELIG. We’ll take another short recess. Thank you.

See also: GIFs of 2010 | GIFs of Winter 2011
GIFs of April 2011 | GIFs of May 2011 | GIFs of June 2011