General

The Animated GIFs Of July: Act VI Of VII

This month’s animated GIF list focuses solely on baseball, a sport that has rewarded our rapt attention with some of the silliest errors the game has ever seen. Perhaps it was a fluke, or perhaps it’s simply that every baseball player is awful.

by Jon Bois

Aug 3, 2011, 1:40 PM UTC

julygiftitle

BUD SELIG and JOE TORRE stand in the hotel lobby.

BUD SELIG. We aren’t answering anything in there.

JOE TORRE. Well, we were aiming high.

BUD SELIG. What do you menan?

JOE TORRE. We were trying to explain why everyone is so horrible at baseball. They’re right. There isn’t a single player who’s any good.

BUD SELIG. But there are still home runs and strikeouts!

JOE TORRE. Sure, but the post keeps sinking. If a home run is hit, it’s because the pitcher is bad. If a pitcher records a strikeout, the batter is bad. It’s all crappy. We’re all horrible idiots.

BUD SELIG. (places hands in pocket, looks at shoes) Maybe.

JOE TORRE. I mean, God! It happened so suddenly. This Spring I was watching all the players. They looked just fine. They didn’t look at all like they had pooped their pants or were about to poop their pants or had poop all over their hands. They weren’t all carrying on like a bunch of five-year-olds who were abandoned in the middle of a dense forest with cinder blocks chained to their legs. And then all of a sudden...

BUD SELIG. ...all of a sudden they started playing ball like a bunch of drunk guys with paper bags over their heads trying to operate a wood chipper, and the bags all have frowny faces drawn on them in magic marker.

JOE TORRE drums his empty water bottle against his thumb and leans against the wall, pressing one foot flat against it.

JOE TORRE. I’m not sure what’s left to say. I suppose we just go in there, show the rest of ‘em, and get out. The lessons we got ain’t the lessons we were looking for.