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Come Fan with UsWednesday, July 1, 2026

But Soft! What Ball Through Yonder’s Glove Breaks?

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Yonder Alonso is too fat, say the Reds.

It's not that Alonso had little experience in the outfield before this season, or that he makes guys like Adam Dunn look like good outfielders.

Nope, he needs to lose weight.

“That’s the plan right now,” Alonso said. “It’s going to be an offseason where I’m going to do a lot of things differently. I hired a chef. That’s going to help me out.”
“I’m going to get faster. My offseason workout regiment is going to be very different. A lot more running. It’s going to be a left fielder-type attitude coming into the offseason. I’m very excited. We’ll go from there.”Because just having a chef and losing weight will prevent outfielding blunders like this one:

Good luck, Yonder. (And apparently, he’s also going to have an entire “regiment” helping him. The word is “regimen”; not sure whether that’s what he said, or a spellcheck whiff.)

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