Break Out The Oreos, Baby: The Worst/Best High School Football Moments On YouTube

This play brought Crespi Carmelite High School all the way back from a 28-7 deficit to win a playoff game on the final play. My favorite part comes at 0:17, when No. 72 on the defense just sort of whiffs on the entire play.

“Hmm. Well, I’m wearing all my football stuff and I’m on the football field and everything. And look, there’s a fella on the other football team holding a football! Suppose I might could get the football. I’m kind of already busy not doing that, though.”

You want to have some fun? Establish a football league of idealistic teenagers and obsessive, doting parents. Have these kids play games in front of their entire peer group, which numbers in the hundreds or thousands. Show the games on TV. Ensure that the very lives of many people revolve around football.

And then, pay the referees little to nothing, giving them no real incentive to wonder whether a ball is a live ball before blowing the whistle.

In this instance, the referee apparently made his decision based on what No. 21 thought about the play. Green’s No. 28 alertly picks up what should be a live ball and takes it in for six before the officials take it back to midfield.

Every high school game, by the way, has this “screaming in hysterics” guy. He’s not always in the booth, but he’s always out there. He’s just a man of a different kind; the sort of guy who actually asks questions about food in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant, who has spent the last 10 years going to the Cracker Barrel and pointing out the “HIPPIES USE SIDE DOOR” sign and expressing his intent to someday acquire such a sign of his own. When you were in high school, you looked at him and wondered whether you will indeed grow up to be like him. Look at you now! You had nothing to fear. Congratulations! I really mean that.

At the professional and collegiate levels of football, there are people to stop you if you’re about to tell your punter to punt the ball directly into gale-force winds. This high school does not have those people. Apparently, no high school has those people, because this is only the funniest of like five different YouTube videos that show this happening.

The sight of a punter scurrying into the end zone, however, is familiar at every level, thanks to the occasional bad snap. Isn’t it something to watch? It’s such a flailing, frenetic, herky-jerky display of impossibly complex mechanics, almost none of which are made consciously. That hasn’t been accurately reproduced in any Madden game. Electronic Arts would need the help of NASA, which for some reason would need to blast a couple of rockets into orbit to be able to properly calculate it. The computers would grow sentient, only to immediately laugh themselves to death.

This video, which lacks original audio, has been uploaded to YouTube by at least a dozen difference people. These people have taken the liberty of adding their own music, be it the Benny Hill theme or “Where The Hood At” by DMX (?). I suppose I’ll follow suit and add my own music.

For those keeping score, this is the... seventh time I have posted Boz Scaggs on this website.