Boston sports fans -- check that, the stereotype of Boston sports fans that has been propogated over the past decade or so -- are the most eminently hate-able people in the world. Please, though, let’s offer a tip of the cap to their real-world counterparts. As the season winds down, and baseball teams continue to offer the impersonal gift-store trinkets of meaningless wins, Red Sox fans have labored to create for us a pair of homemade and heartwarming gifts.
The Fenway Park Field-Stormer, Or, The Proud Recipient Of The Tackle Of The Year
We’re mere hours removed from the start of the NFL season. In recognition, let’s look all the way back to May of this season and celebrate what may just be the best tackle we’ve seen from a security guard all season.
The first:
“AWW, PENIS.” God bless that man, and God bless the eavesdropping microphone that picked him up. Penis penis penis penis penis. The second gift -- perhaps the more precious gift -- was brought to us by a field-stormer. This one dates all the way back to May, but I cannot let this season pass without bringing it to light.
All season, I’ve documented the adventures of unauthorized folks who run on baseball fields during games. This is the eighth such instance, and nearly every time, the fan in question finds a way to bring something new to the table. This performance is beautiful in all its brevity. It’s gorgeous.
Let’s draw this one up, please.
Within five seconds of his feet hitting the ground, the rest of his body follows suit. POW. I love it, you love it, those in attendance loved it, the security guard certainly loved it, and the tackled gentleman... well, it was a fate of his own making.
Part of me wishes we could see his face at the exact instant he realizes he’s going to bed, but I think it suffices perfectly to watch his head swivel to the right. He’s trotting, fingers up, loving life, and we see the very briefest of pauses before the reckoning. It’s wonderful.
And finally: I will repeat this as many times as the broadcasters’ parade of lies is repeated. When they tell you that “nobody likes to see that,” or, “he’s wasting everyone’s time,” or, “he’s not impressing anybody”...
...remember this picture and know that they are wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
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