At Super Bowl Media Day, the NFL Network turned its attention to the New England Patriots’ Vince Wilfork. The eight-year veteran said many things about football, none of which were particularly interesting. He did not want for Gatorade and Gatorade-brand products, however.
Super Bowl Media Day: Vince Wilfork Probably Has Enough Gatorade
Clearly, the Gatorade marketing personnel experienced some miscoordination.
MARKETING REP 1. Okay, I just put a Gatorade bottle on the podium.
MARKETING REP 2. Wait. I already put a bottle up there.
MARKETING REP 1. Okay, well, that’s a little redundant, but it’s no big deal. Now, you used the Gatorade we brought with us, right?
MARKETING REP 2. Oh, yes, of course.
MARKETING REP 1. Good. Because you do know that the Gatorade sold in the Indianapolis market is just ...
MARKETING REP 2. Beef broth. I know.
MARKETING REP 1. Right, and bullion cubes.
MARKETING REP 2. And it’s carbonated. Carbonated, fizzy beef broth. We can’t let the rest of the country know we’re placating this market like this.
MARKETING REP 1. No one must know their terrible secret.
MARKETING REP 3. Hey, guys! We’re all set! I just put a paper Gatorade cup on the podium! We’re good to go!
MARKETING REP 1. Oh, come on.
MARKETING REP 2. Didn’t you see the Gatorade we already put up there?
MARKETING REP 3. I did ... but I thought maybe it would be nice if he had something to pour it into.
MARKETING REP 1. Wait, who does that anymore? Pour a single-serving bottle into a separate cup?
MARKETING REP 2. Yeah, that’s what they did in old-school commercials. That’s, like, some 1960s s***.
MARKETING REP 1. Are you from the 1960s?
MARKETING REP 3. My mom was.
MARKETING REP 4. HEY GOOD NEWS YOU GUYS!! I JUST GOT BACK FROM VINCE WILFORK’S PODIUM, WHERE I PUT ONE OF THE GATORADE BRAND BOTTLES IN A GATORADE BRAND KOOZIE! IT’S GOING TO BE [slips on banana peel]
MARKETING REP 1. Wait, a banana? Fresh fruit in Indianapolis? That’s weird.
MARKETING REP 2. Peels are a delicacy here. They throw away the fruit.
MARKETING REP 1. Oh.
MARKETING REP 2. They use the peels to make Hawaiian spaghetti.
MARKETING REP 1. What is Hawaiian spaghetti?
MARKETING REP 2. Horrible.
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