Miguel Cabrera wins baseball’s Triple Crown

A complete list of players who won a “career Triple Crown,” as in, led his league in home runs, runs batted in, and batting average at least once in any season, since 1967:

No, you can buy Miguel Cabrera dirt. Only $39.99.

If you make and drink tea out of this, you go on a vision quest with Chet Lemon. I’m not encouraging that, so I don’t want e-mails from angry parents. But it’s absolutely true.

On Wednesday, Miguel Cabrera became the 16th major-league hitter to complete a Triple Crown and the first since Carl Yastrzemski in 1967. Cabrera ended the 2012 campaign with a .330 batting average, 44 home runs and 139 RBI, leading the AL in all three categories. He lead the league in OPS, too, for what it’s worth.

Cabrera joins an exclusive club in baseball that includes 11 Hall of Famers (asterisk denotes HoF standing):

Yastrzemski’s Triple Crown year came when he was 27 years old; he had a .326 batting average with 44 home runs and 121 RBI for the first-place Red Sox. In his statement, Yastrzemski acknowledged Cabrera’s contribution to Detroit’s run at the AL Central title:

Yaz wasn’t the only one congratulating Cabrera Wednesday night -- Commissioner Bud Selig also lauded Cabrera’s “remarkable achievement” and trumpeted that the slugger has made his mark in history.

Trout remains Cabrera’s stiffest competition for the American League MVP Award.

And that’s not even an inflammatory screed. There will be inflammatory screeds. And those things are glorious.

Just 21,000? You can do better, North America. And you will. That baby’ll reach 50,000 by the end of the month. Cabrera hitting for the Triple Crown is really the best possible scenario for someone who doesn’t take this stuff that seriously. Just sit back and watch the other people hit each other with blunt objects. Just think about all the fun you’ll have going through the comments at the end of online newspaper articles. Every capital letter used is like a brick in an argument-proof wall.