1. Buckshot Gutierrez
Ronald Martinez
2. Remy Chardonnay
3. Airboat Swanson
4. Crumpkin Bumblesnatch
5. Cooper Riley
6. Riley Cooper
7. Governor Faubus Crackerwimple
8. Jeep. (No last name, just Jeep.)
9. Ezekiel Ezekiel Ezekiel (aka Tray-Z)
10. Hoss Buggerlips, Esq.
11. Mandingo Boudreau
12. Samoa Brandon
13. Samantha Ma’am-Jr.
14. Timothy Spano, AKA “Bearhug”
15. Jean-Baptiste LePetomane
16. Panties Glib-Trucksmith
17. Deer-Gigger Baines
18. LaDonnaLynne Norbit
19. Boss Nutria (is actual nutria)
20. Ms Missy Activia Waters-Cartwright
21. Tostitos Bowl Landry
22. Robert E. Lee Greenwood
23. Ant Lord
24. No fewer than 2000 coeds named Lauren, Lauryn, or Loryn
25. Hypolite “Cracklins” Merceaux-Realtree
26. Aloysius Pretzel Dog Vilmur
27. 817 toddlers named “Bear”; 47 more named “Saban”
28. Switchblade Magneaulia
29. Mason, Jayden, Brayden, Cayden, and Aiden McElroy
30. J-Bill Brodiecroyle DeVry
31. Magnanimous Parsons (pronounced “Michigan Pennywhistle”)
32. Jose Carlos Rodriguez-Romney
33. Braxton Chilicothe-Lambeau
34. Pelican Santiago
35. Big Fish Johnnie (actual birth name)
36. Jury Executioner Reinhold IX
37 Sweet Tits Fisher (a slender 39-year-old Hmong man)
38 Skyler and Schuyler Parsons-Bryant (fraternal twins)
39. Etoufée “Billz” Delacroiz
40. Lamborghini Jones
41. Four extremely angry white men named Darius Rucker
42. Mercutio Steakspoon
43. Patty-Melt O’Houlihan
44. Ayteevee Duplessis
45. “Bulges” Applejammer
46. Greg L’Egg
47. Undertaker The Wrestler Simmons Jr.
48. Shreveportia Boisfeuillet
49. Venus Frytrapp
50. Jepperdee Jones-Bigtree
51. Wine Mouth Glorybell
52. Flake Golden
53. Jefferson Davis Finebaum
(With submissions by Spencer Hall, Bill Hanstock, and Jon Bois)
