- Mark Sanchez badly misses his receiver, ball is intercepted.
- Shonn Greene extends his arms over the pile on 4th-and-1. The ball is swatted from his hands and flies 10-15 yards downfield.
- In what appears to be a broken play, Sanchez attempts to run with the ball but instead hits his head against his own lineman’s buttocks and drops the ball. The Patriots return it for a touchdown.
- Wait, the Pats scored again? I guess the Jets fumbled the kickoff?
- Tim Tebow quickly sets ball down after opposing lineman says, “That ball looks like it’s got Satan in it!”
- Jeremy Kerley catches a pass and streaks past broken coverage for a score. The engine of a Boeing 777 falls from the sky and crushes him, sending the ball out the back of the end zone. Touchback, Patriots. (Funeral services for Kerley will be held next week.)
- Brandon Spikes: “Have you read ‘The Giving Tree’ by Shel Silverstein, Shonn?” Greene: “No.” Spikes: “Me neither, dude.” [strips ball, laughs]
- Belichick spreads rumor Mark Sanchez is REALLY AN iPAD 2. Sanchez is torn apart by mobbing shoppers, fumbles.
- Nick Mangold snaps the ball forward to Vince Wilfork.
- In the spirit of Squanto, Jets freely give the ball away to their more-fortunate opponents, then offer to teach them how to grow maize.
- Bilal Powell mistakenly sells ball at yard sale to Patrick Chung.
- Tony Romo throws interception. Don’t fence him in.
- Sanchez throws ball to what appears to be a teammate, but turns out to be a Thanksgiving g-g-g-ghost!
- Rex Ryan poses gorgeous woman on fainting couch on fifty yard line. Smears feet with coconut butter. Places ball between her feet. Erotic fumble to Patriots; erotic victory to Rex Ryan.
- Greene loses the ball as he’s tackled. His knee and elbow are clearly down, but the referees rule it a fumble. Before the play can be reviewed, Rex Ryan throws a challenge flag, thus preventing any review of the play. Man, that is a really stupid rule.
- Punter Robert Malone attempts to secede from team mid-play, causing confusion. Patriots pick up ball and score TD while a third of the Jets attempt to ratify the Articles of the Conjeteracy.
(Thanks to Jon Bois, Spencer Hall and Bill Hanstock for assistance with today’s List.)
