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The Baseball You Never Knew You Needed

by Grant Brisbee

The Twins are auctioning off a baseball signed by Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Oh.

Auctioneer: The bidding starts at $250.People attending auction: ...

Auctioneer: Do I hear $250?

People Attending Auction: ...

Auctioneer: Surely, someone would like this piece of Americana ...

Mysterious Stranger with Glowing Red Eyes: I will offer one soul.

Auctioneer: Well, uh, we can only accept American dollars for this auction.

Mysterious Stranger with Glowing Red Eyes: I see. I will offer one soul and the blood of a goat born during the vernal equinox.

Auctioneer: Sold.

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