Profiles In Pick-up Basketball: The Guy Who Has A New Game But Is Terrible At Explaining The Rules

Now that the weather is warm again, we’re resuming a recurring series called “Profiles in Pick-up Basketball,” in which we take a look at the various types of people you’ll run into during pick-up games.

Today, we examine ...

... the guy who has a great new pick-up game but is terrible at explaining it.

So you’re shooting around with some of your friends when one of them proposes a new game he just learned about.

There are all sorts of regional variants to pick-up basketball games. In some parts of the country, people may have no idea of how to play Knockout. In others, folks may not understand tipping in 21. In still others, they may look at you funny if you call “opposite hand” in a game of HORSE.

It’s always fun to learn a new pick-up game. Or at least, it would be if your friend were any good at explaining the rules. Your friend is not.

Invariably, rather than actually explaining the game, your friend says, “come on, let’s just play it. You’ll pick it up as we go along.”

“I didn’t want to say anything, but that was pretty dumb.” This dude always says that. You start to feel stupid, because as hard as you try, you just cannot understand what the Hell he is talking about.

Eventually, you stop play and make him sit down and explain the rules in full. This does not help.

You nod and stare blankly as he hopelessly over-explains everything, interrupts himself by explaining new rules you don’t understand, et cetera. “Got it?” he says. You do not got it. but you don’t want to look stupid, so you do your best to fake your way through the game. This does not go well.

Sigh.