MLB Draft player names are awesome

In almost no discernible way is the MLB Draft superior to the NFL Draft. Starting Monday (yes, Monday), roughly 4,328 players will be drafted. Approximately less than half will sign and precisely .05 percent of those signed players reach Major League Baseball. All of these numbers are factually based.

But if there is a single area in which the MLB Draft tops the NFL Draft, it’s player names. This year, the hottest name in the NFL Draft was Rowdy Batchelor. The undrafted Saint Augustine fullback has nothing on some of the players in the 2012 MLB Draft.

We start with Atlanta-area high school outfielder Skye Bolt. Although he bears no relation to Jamaican Olympian Usain Bolt, his name is pure gold. See how I did that one? Another Skye Bolt fun fact: the skybolt was a nuclear missile developed by the U.S. in the 1950s. Sadly Papa Bolt only picked the name because he thought it “popped.” Hopefully the pop from Skye Bolt is generated by his bat. Jokes!

There is more than just Bolt in this year’s draft. One of the top catchers in this year’s draft is Louisiana high schooler Stryker Trahan. Very obviously, he’s named after no one’s favorite Mortal Kombat character.

Then there’s Rock Rucker and Buck Farmer. Based solely on their names, these two will have fine careers in porn if baseball doesn’t work out. They wouldn’t even have to do that silly first pet and name of the street you first lived on (I’d be Rascal Hugoelet).

That’s not all. You’ve got gems like Malcolm Clapsaddle, Alec Rash and Hunter Virant. Even Byron Buxton has a nice ring to it.

The final wonderful name to know in this year’s MLB Draft is Oklahoma pitcher Damien Magnifico. I don’t know much about amateur baseball, but I know Magnifico can chuck that baseball 102 miles per hour. With a name like Damien Magnifico, he’s also guaranteed to have a career in Mexican professional wrestling. This week at Arena Mexico, it’s a four-way title fight between El Mesias, Sexy Star, Chessman and Damien Magnifico! Corona! Corona! Corona!

Fear not NFL Draft loyalists, we’ll have a good one next year in LSU’s Barkevious Mingo. Top that, MLB Draft.

On the serious, if you have any interest in the MLB Draft, check out Minor League Ball.