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The End of the Red Sox

by Grant Brisbee

You can tell the Red Sox have given up on the season. John Lackey, who is out for the season, was drinking beers. Connect the dots, people.

↵Lackey was so busted up after the latest defeat that he was strutting around the clubhouse with a can of Bud Light in each hand, or what is known as “double-fisting” on every college campus in the history of mankind.↵This is serious. You know how you can tell? That comes from an article with a 34-to-27 sentence-to-paragraph ratio. That’s off-the-charts serious.

↵Red Sox fans: I believe it is time to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside. John Lackey was double-fisting.

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