OK, everyone, listen. This afternoon, ESPN flashed a report across the bottom of the screen. The report concerned Tim Tebow, and it was of paramount importance. KSK’s Christmas Ape managed to get a photo:
BREAKING NEWS: Tim Tebow Does Mildly Impressive Thing
First of all: that isn’t a very nice thing to say about Dustin Keller.
Second of all: we’re supposed to rate that from 1 to 10 on the “impressive” scale? He’s an NFL quarterback, yes? Let’s give that about a 2.5. And if ESPN is gonna run with every 2.5-on-a-scale-of-10 Tim Tebow accomplishments, we can expect to see the following before long:
- Report: Tim Tebow took a slice of bacon out of the package without having to take out the rest of the bacon/getting his fingers all greasy
- Report: Tim Tebow figured out how to hook up the Sega
- Report: Tim Tebow pedaled backwards on his 10-speed even though he was moving forward
- Report: Tim Tebow got the tag thing off the sunglasses without having to go back into the Walgreens and ask for scissors
- Report: Tim Tebow has won starting quarterback role with Jets
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