Premier League Betting Guide, Week 3: It’s A Post-Transfer Window World

The certainty of knowing who is on which team heading into the weekend is a little bit eerie. The uncertainty gave us some comfort. It gave us an excuse when we lost.

“I can’t believe you bet against Swansea!”

“Well, I wasn’t even sure who was on their team anymore and Scott Sinclair was supposed to have already been gone to City along with three-months supply of Tatws Pum Munud. You can’t be on a team that doesn’t have a pregame meal!”

See, that is a logical excuse and good reasoning for why you forked over your money on a dumb bed. Now the transfer window is closed and we know who is where so what are you going to do? Exactly, invest in fortune cookies.

Liverpool vs. Arsenal, Over 2.5 (-115)

There are two schools of thought here: 1) Anytime Liverpool is involved it will be a total mess of a match. 2) Neither of these defenses inspires confidence and as importantly, neither midfield inspires confidence in their own half. Bonus school of thought: Arsenal are seriously due for a goal.

Tottenham Hotspur vs. Norwich City, Over 18 Mentions of Daniel Levy (-140)

For those of you who weren’t paying attention on transfer deadline day, Spurs chairman Daniel Levy pulled a couple rabbits and a unicorn out of his hat to bring in Hugo Lloris and Clint Dempsey. That wrapped up a window in which Spurs added those two, Emmanuel Adebayor, Jan Vertonghen, Gylfi Sigurdsson and Moussa Dembele and still turned a profit. The announcers will fawn over him for 90 minutes on Saturday and you might even see the Levy statue made out of pure gold that was sculpted outside of the stadium.

Fulham pick ‘em (+115) at West Ham

Losing Moussa Dembele obviously hurts and it will be worth watching how they cope in the middle, but they have been playing without Clint Dempsey anyways and if there is a worse word than atrocious, that is what the Hammers defense is. When in doubt, bet against the bad defense, always and forever. Also, there isn’t much doubt.

Manchester City vs. Queens Park Rangers, Drama Is On The QPR Bench

QPR struggled to identify players that they actually wanted so they just decided to buy everyone. 11 new players later, QPR has to figure out who to play, and maybe more amusing, who to leave off of the team all together. The right to get on the bench every single match will be high drama, and if we’re lucky it might be a literal fight. Cage match!

West Bromwich Albion vs. Everton, Under 10.5 Corner Kicks (-115)

Do you have a good reason not to? Gambling!

Wigan Athletic vs. Stoke City, Under 8 Fans Root For The Potters (-200)

Who in their right mind would root for the Potters over Roberto Martinez’s team? The Stoke players’ parents are even secretly wearing blue Latics shirts under their coats. Shhhhhh.

Last Week: 0-2. Season: 3-2.