Everyone, please steel yourselves. We have some horrifying news waiting for you after the jump regarding New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Those of you with weak constitutions may want to avert your eyes as we link you to what may already be the most vital story of the young NFL season.
BREAKING: Tom Brady Has Faint Mark On Nose
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
The Associated Press noted that there was a “faint red mark” and no bandage on Brady’s nose at a Wednesday press conference and that the quarterback said the following about it:
“Yeah, it’s OK. My wife likes it, so I’m good.”
This somehow warranted an entire article, titled “Brady’s wife likes his scarred nose.” Seems like they really dropped the ball here. The article mentions the press conference was 12 minutes long, yet they didn’t once mention Brady’s dreamy eyes or immaculate haircut or swoon-inducing jawline. NOR did they mention whether he was clad in UGG from withers to brisket.
I look forward to the article from next week’s press conference, “Brady has those weird pillow lines on his face again.”
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