First things first: you all dodged a bullet last week, because Dan Snyder took pity on you and waited until Sunday to host some Native American guests in his private suite. So you didn’t have to run a marathon. Don’t thank me, thank Dan Snyder.
Monday Night Fitness is the 49ers-Rams drinking game for your body
Noah K. Murray-USA TODAY Sports
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
Monday is the day you’re supposed to hit the gym. Gotta work off all those wings and pints of beer, right? Yeah, yeah, but you gotta work all day and then there’s FOOTBALL at night again! Well, we’ve got the solution: get fit WHILE you watch football. With the ultra-predictable Monday Night Football broadcast, it should be a breeze!
It’s real simple. Think of it like a drinking game, but with more sweating (or less, depending on your drinking regimen). Something on the list happens, you do the appropriate exercise. Got it? Get to it.
Here are your Monday Night Fitness assignments for 49ers at Rams on Monday night:
| EVERY TIME: | DO THIS: |
| Someone mentions Colin Kaepernick's tattoos | 20 crunches |
| Someone in the room calls Kaepernick a "thug" | 5 pushups |
| Kaepernick is compared unfavorably to any other NFL quarterback | 10 second plank |
| Michael Sam is mentioned | 20 lunges |
| ESPN shows aerial view of the stadium | 20 squats |
| Announcers struggle to find a way to compliment the Rams | 25 squats |
| You hear "I WAS BOOORN FREEEE" | 20 crunches |
| Rams are referred to as "scrappy" or "gritty" | 20 jumping jacks |
| The announcers talk about how much St. Louis loves the Cardinals | 10 pushups |
| Mention or B-roll of barbecued meats | 2 laps around your block |
| ESPN shows any footage of stadium food | 15 pushups |
| ESPN cuts to a cute kid in the crowd | 10 second plank |
| You see a fan wearing horns | 15 squats |
| That stupid "fans singing" NFL app commercial comes on | 20 lunges |
| Cameras find a fan with a sign using the letters "ESPN" in a clever way | 20 bicep curls with a canned good |
| Shot of the Gateway Arch | 15 second side plank |
| Jon Hamm sighting | 10 handstand pushups |
| Any lip service toward 49ers "locker room discord" | Finish watching on treadmill |
| ESPN cuts to cheerleaders forcing smiles | 20 crunches |
| Jim Harbaugh screams and flails, causing his neck-pen to swing wildly | 20 burpees |
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