What we learned from WWE Hell in a Cell 2014

Sunday’s Hell in a Cell pay-per-view was a mixed bag. It was far more good than bad in terms of in-ring action, but the company is continuing to sleepwalk through the months bridging SummerSlam in August and the Royal Rumble in January.

Read the complete results below and join me as I attempt to puzzle through where the wrestlers and the WWE will go from here.

In a bit of an upset (at least as much as anything can be an upset in the world of the “everybody gets a win all the time” midcard of 2014 WWE), Ziggler won this best two out of three falls match in two straight falls to retain the title.

What we learned: This was the first match of the night that was thoroughly treading water, a theme that would continue throughout the evening. Many thought this match might be an instant classic, but it wasn’t given a whole lot of time. Ziggler was booked very strong by winning two straight falls and will likely move on from this feud. As I’ve typed pretty much every month since WrestleMania, perhaps now Cesaro can move on to bigger and better things.

As per the conditions of the match, Brie Bella now has to serve as the personal assistant for her sister Nikki for 30 days. Of course, in professional wrestling, as in sitcoms, “personal assistant” is meant here to mean “slave.”

What we learned: Brace yourselves for an entire month of Nikki dumping smoothies onto Brie’s head. That’ll be a thing, I guess. Other than that, it’s time to start being impressed by both Bella twins, as they both continue to improve drastically as wrestlers. Especially Nikki. I have no problem with looking forward to Nikki’s matches. And her continual attempts to get John Cena to marry and/or put a baby in her on “Total Divas.”

The Dust Brothers (no, the other ones) picked up a decisive victory over the Usos to retain the titles. Again.

What we learned: These are still really the only two tag teams in the company, since Luke Harper is preparing to branch out from Erick Rowan and Los Matadores aren’t getting a tag team title shot any time soon. So expect Goldust and Stardust to continue to lose non-title matches on television every week or be six-man partners to the stars, while continuing to beat the Usos on pay-per-views. The tag team division is the Ouroboros, essentially.

As a result of winning this Hell in a Cell match, Cena is now the new No. 1 contender to WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar, a match that will likely take place at the Royal Rumble in January. As it was written, so shall it be done. The match was perfectly fine, but was mostly the two men kicking out of finishers for 15 minutes. In the era of the bloodless Hell in a Cell, this was particularly toothless. Cena also looked a bit “off” during the majority of the match, for whatever reason.

What we learned: Shockingly (but correctly), this wasn’t the main event of the PPV. Which indicates WWE knows this wasn’t the match people really were interested in from this event. They also possibly knew the result of this match was enough of a foregone conclusion that they didn’t have to press the issue any. Regardless, this means that -- as anyone who watches wrestling even casually suspected -- things are leading up to Cena vs. Lesnar III (actually IV), likely followed by Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns at WrestleMania. It’s all going to be exactly what we’re imagining, so let’s just try to let it wash over us as much as possible.

Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick, more or less, to defeat The Miz and in theory end the short-lived feud decisively.

What we learned: Damien Mizdow continues to be the best part of any Miz match and possibly the best thing going in WWE in general right now. The crowd loves him and WWE is aware they have a good thing in Mizdow’s antics right now. Unfortunately, the Sheamus-Miz feud will either continue, or The Miz will be shunted back to feuding with Ziggler once again. The entire roster needs a shake-up in the worst way right now, but it’s pretty evident WWE is focused on rigidly maintaining the status quo through the end of the year, leading up to January, when the Road to WrestleMania begins once again.

The latest in a string of “Rusev vs. a big guy” matches ended the same way as all the others to date: with Rusev winning via his finishing submission hold, the Accolade.

What we learned: The big talking point from the announcers at the end of the match was as follows: now that Rusev has thoroughly vanquished Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and Big Show, who can possibly defeat him?

Gee, I don’t think John Cena has anything else to do until January ...

Paige lost a decent match when her friend(?) Alicia Fox rolled her back into the ring ... right into a Black Widow submission hold from AJ.

What we learned: Although nobody at WWE and nobody watching at home knows what the hell is happening with the Divas Championship, it appears that Paige may now begin a feud with Alicia Fox. Which will be welcome in the sense that at least it isn’t more of this interminable, nonsensical feud between AJ and Paige.

Just as Ambrose appeared to have the match won, the lights went off. When they came back up, there was a lantern and a ghostly apparition -- followed by Bray Wyatt interfering in the match and allowing Rollins to get the pinfall victory.

What we learned: In the first true singles main event for either man, both Ambrose and Rollins delivered in spades. This was the best possible no-blood Hell in a Cell match that anyone could have put on. It’s great that WWE had confidence in these gentlemen to deliver and they totally stepped up and looked like world-beaters here. Unfortunately, they were saddled with a non-finish. It’s nice that the feud will continue at some point, but it’s less-nice that Ambrose appears destined to feud with Wyatt now instead.

I’m not saying I’m not looking forward to Wyatt vs. Ambrose for a couple months, because that should be terrific. It just came from out of nowhere and doesn’t seem to be in keeping with Wyatt’s entire mission statement. We’ll wait for “RAW” on Monday and see what the reasoning is. And what Rollins is expected to do for a couple months as he carries around a briefcase for a title shot while the champion isn’t around.